Sunday, October 11, 2015


Once when checking out at the grocery store with my baby Marley, I miscalculated and had to put back the little pumpkin I had picked up because i couldn't afford it. The man behind me in line caught up with us in the parking lot and handed me the pumpkin, he'd paid for it. He wanted to make sure my little girl had a pumpkin. His kindness blew my mind, it still does. Probably the money was nothing to him but it was brave. I could have gotten angry or rejected him.

We went to the farm today and we rode on a hayride and we each picked out a pumpkin and I didn't feel tense or stressed at all. It felt very extravagant and good. And I was very much reminded of that man's kindness. I pray I can find the bravery that kindness many times requires.

I'm just feeling so thankful.

Friday, October 9, 2015


The unexamined life might not be worth living.  I guess it depends on how you define the words and under what context, etc.

For me, the life without witnesses is stagnation. I can examine myself day and night; actions and thoughts and motivations broken down into their smallest parts and the minutiae put under a microscope. But still some development  is born of wisdom from an outsider's perspective. 

Though I study and consider and strive to discern what the better part of wisdom is; though I actively pursue improvement and growth. If I never have someone to stop (upon witnessing me immersed in my follies) (of which, there are many and often) and admit to me that I am making a mistake... I stagnate.

I am human and excel in lying to myself. I cannot see, blinded by love for the petty god of my existence, the failings that persist in my everyday, my every-hour.

It is a condition I have inflicted on myself. I have carefully and painstakingly constructed walls to insure my alienation. Like a politician, I am ever mindful of what  public availability I allow. Permitting only vulnerabilities that allow for superficial contact.

Every titled and numbered sin, I have committed. Every one. And those sins too complex and subtle to be named with surety, I have committed too.

And by grace of God and the gift of faith, I know that my failings will not seperate me from my Creator. My spirit is redeemed by the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The holy spirit groans within me for what is needful, far beyond my understanding.

My life is pale; the known world is sad and broken; there is no hope in the world, save one. But it is a sure hope. We do not wait to see if, only when.

And for now, my pale life stagnates for lack of fellowship. My worship is crippled by my fear.

God give me strength. God, make me brave! Prepare me and make able my heart to do the work that you have laid out for me.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

This life

I don't have the words and I don't understand. I am thankful.

Friday, September 11, 2015


Sometimes I remember, while I look at my kids, to thank God that life isn't fair.

Monday, September 7, 2015


I was going to write an acrostic poem in honor of Solomon's birthday but I don't know that many o- words.

Solomon is five and he's into Skylanders, gymnastics, dancing, baby management. He hates "gross" movies (movies with anything even remotely scary like Big Baby in Toy Story or with sadness). Solo would be glad to sleep till 10 most days. He loves to be with me at work at the YMCA and he likes to follow a routine. After school he tells me how his day was, who had a bad day and didn't follow ground rules, and what he ate for lunch.

At night he likes to read books, read devotionals, pray and sing our song.

"Where ever you go, whatever you do; I'm always going to come back for you."

I love to cuddle him even though he digs his chin directly into my neck. His enthusiasm to be held and to hold back helps to alleviate the pain... a little.
He makes me smile often because he's always smiling. God has made joy his nature and I am thankful for him.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Summer sweet

Last day of summer. Too soon! Our pencils are sharpened, hearts eager and yet a little hesitant too.

We're making summer farewell cake and watching the Phantom Tollbooth.

Sunday, August 16, 2015


Drifting away from God's will feels like treading water upside down.

Monday, August 3, 2015


Marley and Solo taking gymnastics is a thrill to watch.

Solo required zero instruction (aside from a little Mommy pep talk at the very beginning) to ride a two wheeler. He just CAN do it. Marley only required two sessions to get the hang of it.

Sage loves to sing "Yes, Jesus loves me."

I love them all. It hurts.