Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Things I ask myself

How long a needle do I need to get all the way through this baby's head?

Should I stain Todd Frazier's chin with coffee or tea?

How do I carry a 55 gallon drum down two flights of stairs silently?

What's that burning plastic smell?

How can I use the hot glue gun and hold the baby at the same time?

Where is my coffee?

Did I eat my cereal this morning or just lose the bowl?

Where did his pupils go?

Should I attempt to finish what I'm doing now that the baby is awake and will that require something extreme like turning on PBS which, as far as I can tell, only ever plays Dinosaur Train?

Seriously, where is my coffee?

Is that burning plastic smell acceptable?

Am I dizzy because I didn't eat my cereal; because I drank too much coffee; or is it because the burning plastic smell?

How many toxic fumes are too many?

And that was just today.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

While I'm here.

No peace
No joy
No quenched thirst
No thirst at all because
No life
Without Him.


I'm thankful that I have people to eat cake with. That they're just here and I don't have to call them. I hope that if anyone I love ever does need a cake eating buddy they'll call me, because I also love cake.


Creek water rushing around my ankles
Sunshine turning icicles into glitter
Wind making the lawn (that's in need of a trim) sway and swirl
The week that magnolia trees bloom and flourish
A brush of nostalgia, a lesson learned
When the car brakes work too well to be believed
A baby smiling at you
Kind words in time
A breeze that finds its way in the window
Cooking smells
When the car is still warm when you leave
Unexpected understanding.

It all whispers His name.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Here and there

This last month has found me really longing to relive some of my childhood moments. Not to change them but just to feel that way and see those people again. I have really missed my grandparents the last few weeks. The grandmothers I knew, the one I didn't, my  grandfathers...

With the loss of my last living grandparent I can't help but to be aware of the slip of time we are given. My life a flower soon lost to frost.

It sounds sad but I'm not intending it to be. This life is... hard, beautiful... but the world we live in is sick and redemption is on the horizon. Whether it's my personal horizon or the whole world's; it's there.

So this Christmas, though it will be without my grandpa with us for the first time, will be the best Christmas ever. Because he's beyond pain, beyond the despair of the human body as it ages. He's with my grandma and he's with Jesus.

And I'm here, surrounded by people who love me with a purpose that He's given me. And someday I will be there, surrounded by most of those same people. Together worshipping God for the complex beauty of His creation and for His grace.

Thank You Father.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Mary Ann

What just happened to me is so amazing... I can't even...

I'm making dolls for the darlings.
So I'm measuring, measuring, cutting, sewing, cutting, pressing, sewing...

I have a pile of fabric, fastidiously measured and cut into circles with 14" diameters. Some pressed, some not, some waiting to have the hems marked, etc.

My fingers hurt, I'm forced to work when the baby is asleep, and no one is looking and in a place where it's flat and safe for an iron. So pretty much 10 minutes here, 10 there. It can be frustrating.

I'm reaching for the fabric that will be my niece Katie's doll's circle skirt. I'm thinking, "Ugh it's flannel, it's already fraying. I'm going to have to add water to the iron to press it..."  Not that much more work but daunting in the face of an already long to-do list and limited time.

I'm trying to add special elements to everyone's doll and outfits but in this moment I was tempted to cut the corner. Just get it pressed and hem it and let that be enough. Katie's young, she won't notice if I don't further embellish hers and it will still be special... excuse, excuse...

But no. No cutting corners. Cut corners in sewing get punished and if this is going to be an act driven by love, I needed to focus on love, not time damnit.

So I go back to the scrapbox. I need something purple. The options are limited but I know that there is fabric leftover from when my grandma made us Goodridge girls little throw pillows with our names embroidered on them. My sister had salvaged the fabric from grandma's things after Mary Ann passed away.

I put my hand on it, resigned to my fate. Then I unfolded it and there it was. A perfect circle with a 14" diameter, the edges already pressed.

I was shocked. Shocked.
I ironed out the tiny wrinkle in the middle it had from being folded and now it only needed to be stitched to the flannel to create a pretty lining. The iron releasing the smell of my grandma's house.

This circle of fabric that didn't make it as a throw pillow for a granddaughter will make it as a skirt for a great granddaughter. I don't know if Grandma got frustrated at the time when she was working with this fabric, or if she was just practicing to insure that the final product was better. But it serves as an excellent reminder that God works all things together for our good.

Thank you God for your mercy. For Mary Ann as a grandma and for a perfect scrap of fabric.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sage. Sage. Sage!

Marley is singing to Sage.

"Sometimes there is so much light you won't understand it. Sometimes there are so many hugs, you won't be able to stand it..."

Sage stood on her own again today. She pushed herself up from a shoebox then pulled the shoebox into the air with her upper half, wielding it wildly for a second before falling back on her butt.

While trying to nurse..

Me: OW. Why are you biting me? Do you have something else in your mouth?
Sage: Gum!

No lie. She really did actually say gum. Marley and Solo almost died laughing.

Also I almost put her to bed tonight before realizing she had while coffee beans in her mouth.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The true desires of our hearts


Be in the space between me and everyone else. Stand beside me, before me, behind me. Stand with me and stand with my children, so that as long as I'm with You, I'll be with them.

Romans 8:38-39
I am absolutely sure that not even death or life can separate us from God's love. Not even angels or demons, the present or the future, or any powers can do that. Not even the highest places or the lowest, or anything else in all creation can do that. Nothing at all can ever separate us from God's love because of what Christ Jesus our Lord has done.

Thursday, November 20, 2014


Marley: I'm the Queen. You hold the end of my dress as I walk.
Me: You're the Queen, not a bride.
Marley: I'm the Queen. I do what I want.


Me (to Marley): I found your ladybug bracelet.
Solo: Actually I found it.
Me: No you did not. You weren't even there.
Marley: Yeah, if you found it, how did it get on mommy's wrist?
Me: Yeah!?
Solo: *laughter*
Me: *hands bracelet to Marley*
Marley: Hey! You found my bracelet!

Thursday, November 13, 2014


Solo: I have to poop.
Me: You have to hold it.
Solo: I can't hold it. I'm sitting down.


Sage made her first distinguishable sign language sign today!
... two days later, Sage started waving at people. I guess girl found her hands.