Monday, August 13, 2018


When I was a kid my parents gave me a poster with the last verses of Romans 8 on it. It also had kid friendly illustrations on it to go with the various things mentioned in those verses. I couldn't find that poster for sale on the internet. So I'm going to make one for my own "center" child, Solo.

Because God held on to me during my darkest times. Kept my faith for me. Maybe that poster helped, maybe it will help Solo too, when he has bad times.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

The Lord speaks. He makes the sun shine by day. He orders the moon and stars to shine at night. He stirs up the ocean. He makes its waves roar. His name is The Lord Who Rules Over All.
Jeremiah 31:35 NIRV

Saturday, August 4, 2018


Earlier Marley found out about an event she's very interested in that Solo gets to attend and she doesn't. I felt really bad and I said I was sorry she wasn't going too. She said, "Yeah. But he needs things that are special to him too."

I just... She humbles me so much. I love her.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Now I know

For many years I've been plagued by bad dreams. Always terrible, usually multiple in a night. Not worse in times of stress, not better when I'm well rested or happy. Just bad dreams every night.

I have prayed for years for it stop. It doesn't. Sometimes I am woken up so abruptly the dream is quickly forgotten, but other than those occurrences, it remains the same. Not the same dream, just bad.

Except a couple weeks ago I had a dream and I felt energized by it. It felt very unusual. It felt important.

Though again this week I had a good dream and when I woke up, I mourned. I felt betrayed by waking up. I didn't want to let go of the dream. It was peace, it was reconciliation, it was what I longed for. But I woke up. And the dream isn't impossible, but it feelsf like it. Now I will pray for it, as I had not presumed to do before. But it still hurts to remember it and I don't want good dreams anymore.

Context for hope

God isn't the reason we have to be good.
God is the one who gives us strength to do good.

He doesnt give us wisdom to judge our brother
He gives us wisdom to guide our brother.
He gives us humility to forgive our brother and our brother humility to forgive us.
He gives us mercy to extend to strangers.
He gives us strangers to share our lives with.
He gives us our lives.

God is love and justice and mercy and truth. Not one of those, all of those. He's the books of  Genesis, Kings, Jeremiah, Matthew, Corinthians, Revelations. And all the books in between and for a reason. He gave us context for the purpose of our own hope but He also exists outside of the confinement of context. No beginning and no end.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

God answers in His time.

I am thankful for the loving God who gently shows me how to be faithful. Who whispers to remind me in a way that makes me feel cherished and not diminished. He reminds me that no matter how many times I play Hosea, I am Gomer more. My future is paid for, though my life was crucified with Jesus.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Thanks for the tummy troubles.

I honestly think that God spared me a life of chemical addiction through my annoyingly delicate constitution. Despite the allure of not being sober, I don't, because it makes me sick. I put a lot of effort into it in earlier years, but all those chemicals made me (literally) sick. I'm thankful for that. It's helped me escape the fate of some of my friends now dependent on substances.

Monday, July 23, 2018

OHHHH I see.

*Solo and Sage arguing*
Me: Guys don't yell. It's probably just a miscommunication.
Solo: No, it isn't. It's that Sage is wrong.

(note: He wasn't being mouthy, he was trying to explain the situation to me).