Tuesday, December 29, 2009


It was my first Christmas eve and Christmas morning away from my parents' house. It was pretty emotional for me on Christmas eve but Bob made me feel better. So Christmas morning I woke up and made coffee and got the lighting right for my first "big girl" Christmas. Then I woke up the Winslows and Marley came running down the hallway and gave an excited yell. When she saw the CHristmas tree with all the packages she goes "WHOA!" in true Marley fashion. Then she started in on the gifts. But she was too distracted by artful curtain arrangement (I knotted them to get them off the ground) to actually open the gifts. After I took the curtains down and returned them to their standard position she relaxed and got her Princess Ariel bathtub doll, her clothes, towel and ENORMOUS Disney Princess ball pit.

Someday I will stop pumping money into Disney.

After gifts we had an ENORMOUS breakfast with French (bread) toast, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and tomato GARLIC omelets. Delicious!

We spent the rest of the day at my parents' house hanging out, chasing toddlers, letting Marley knock down the Christmas tree (oops), and eating extra delicious food. My parents made charitable donations in everyone's name as a gift and for Bob they gave hot meals (because he likes to cook), from me they gave prenatal care (because I like babies) and from Marley the greatest gift of all... Ok, no it wasn't the Gospel. Second best gift of all... MISQUITO NETS!

A truly wonderful day.

We celebrated Christmas with the Winslows on Sunday and Marley got a doll from Aunt Jenny and Uncle Chris that SHE.LOVES.SO.MUCH. Marley ran amok and I think she really enjoys the solo child role at times. While other times she wants to squeeze Aimee until Aimee files some sort of court order. I wish Jenny and Chris lived closer.


In other news... we have a mouse infestation. I discovered this by placing my gingerbread house in the oven and seeing blurs running all over it and then discovering all my green m&m grass stolen by furry house guests. I recieved a humane trap from my dad for Christmas and set it up at midnight when we got home and the next morning...
And worse news. Murphy ran away the other night when Bob let him out at midnight to go to the bathroom. We've had no sign of him in 3 days at midnight. We keep driving to SPCA to check for him but no sign yet.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Talkers & "Listeners" lol

bobatwork (12:06:17 AM): what time we going over there on xmas morning?
HelfixDopo (12:06:25 AM): I still don't know...
HelfixDopo (12:06:37 AM): I discussed it with mom, dad, and robyn and still answerless lol
HelfixDopo (12:06:48 AM): Here is my deal
HelfixDopo (12:06:55 AM): not like deal deal
HelfixDopo (12:07:00 AM): w/e
HelfixDopo (12:07:52 AM): i want to go over there after breakfast but im concerned that if we go over before nap time... it could be a hot mess. But even worse then that would be if we waited till after naptime and she didnt take one or waited till 4 or 5 to take it...
HelfixDopo (12:08:05 AM): so maybe the best plan is this
HelfixDopo (12:08:11 AM): and i just now thought of it lol
HelfixDopo (12:09:05 AM): maybe we could go to my parents after breakfast and we get ready and then go over there. then at nap time, we could drive around delivering presents to people's doors (like fed ex) lol or just drive around talking about how pretty you are. i dunno.
HelfixDopo (12:09:09 AM): or best yet...
HelfixDopo (12:09:15 AM): go to your parents'.
HelfixDopo (12:09:23 AM): but i have not touched base with them.
HelfixDopo (12:09:37 AM): ugh you need the new version of aim on this laptop
HelfixDopo (12:09:41 AM): the old one sucks
HelfixDopo (12:09:52 AM): my rambling looks way more sad and disjointed.
bobatwork(12:10:05 AM): lol
bobatwork (12:10:42 AM): ummm yes?

Note: Those timestamp times are inaccurate.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


So there are two things that can make me really frustrated very fast. The first is trying to put Marley to bed and the other, is miniature golf.
I had a whole bunch more I wanted to say and now I cannot remember any of it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Yurt not making any sense.

HelfixDopo 4:37 pm
(i called the yurt reservation desk) "we have a few available" for june 6th and 7th.
She was very friendly, likes the name "Gilbert".
bobatwork 4:38 pm
lol mmm k
how much to reserve?
HelfixDopo 4:38 pm
"payment in full is due within 7 days of making your reservation. The balance is due 30 days prior to the trip date." hmmmmm?
bobatwork 4:39 pm
uhhh what? lol
you know i dont speak spanish
HelfixDopo 4:39 pm
its due at this time ... and also at this time.
bobatwork4:39 pm
double billling
HelfixDopo 4:40 pm
well at least they are honest.


So anyway, if we figure out in time how much a reservation costs we are going to book a yurt for two days for our honeymoon. Then we're going back to our favorite place ever... Gatlinburg (or as my mother would say: The Smoky Mountains). Chintzy? Yes, don't care. We're staying in a super luxe cabin and we're going to miniature golf (I will win) and ride go-carts (I will win) and eat at as many breakfast buffets as possible and hike up Ramsay Falls.

Now I just have to wrap my head around leaving Marley. And find someone to take Gilbert because Trent already claimed Murphy. Yeesh

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A lot.

Considering that blogging is one of my favorite things to do, I sure forget to do it a lot.

This blog will have to catch all the "blog thoughts" I have had this week & last week. Let's see if I remember more than 3 of them...


Bob was sitting on the couch "watching" Marley. He must have "glanced" at the TV for a minute to "check" the football scores when Marley came sauntering up to him and handed him a piece of toilet paper. He says "Thanks Marley!" Then he realizes it is multiple pieces of toilet paper and that they extend all the way back into the bathroom. Leaving a trail of parental fail from the living room to the master bathroom. :P


I wish that I could wear a tshirt that said everything in my heart about the love of God. How life is given meaning by my relationship with Him. It isn't just a race for money or even for mortal love, it is a greater love then even the love of a parent (wow redundant). If I didn't have God's love in my life, I would be lost. To sadness, to desperation & to hopelessness. God helped me to stop focusing on myself, to pull my head out of my butt and really LOOK where I was headed. Narcissism & self-absorption have high high costs. I am so thankful God saved me from me... love, love, love, love.


I find it hard to believe that my dogs are as hungry as they act. Hunger makes dogs act badly.


I want to go 'glamping' in a Yurt. Click this link to learn about Yurts.


Christmas shopping this year is not as fun as previous years but this Christmas season has been full of a lot of positive feelings. I wish I could say the same for many of my comrades/family. I have put up my first Christmas tree & I bought one ornament. Maybe we will buy one ornament a year. This year I got a pure white peacock. :P


Humans need to embrace changing their minds. They need to embrace other people who have changed their own minds. Sometimes it isn't being fickle, it's growing up.


I got a Bump it. And I am thrilled about it.


The truth about being a mother.

I read a lot of mushy gushy stuff about the maternal feelings and experiences that came with having a baby, particularly having a newborn. Here is my own quick twist on a few of those anecdotes I read.

After your newborn has come home with you, you will be obsessed with showing her all the new things and watching her have all her "firsts". Also you will have no idea what to do with her.
Rocking your baby and singing to her is a beautiful thing to do. Even though you are probably not a very good singer and your song is punctuated by baby-pooping noises.
You will do anything to insure the comfort and health of your child because you love them dearly. But you will probably be grumpy about it.
Everything about your new child will be a wonderful mystery to you, especially how someone so small can scream so loud and puke so far.
Only God could have given you something so darling as your child and sometimes God will just not intervene to make that darling child sleep even-though-they-are-obviously-very-tired-and-so-are-you.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

A busy body.

You know you're the daughter of my father when you have a conversation like this...

Me: Thank God she is napping!
Me: Man when she naps the day is waayyyyyyyyyyyyy better. The last two days have been EXHAUSTING!!
Bob: Well take a nap then!

(some time passes)

Me: Ok, I'm going to rewire both my beveled mirrors, do the dishes, finish the laundry and then play wii.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Daughters of Jerusalem

Luke 23:28-31 (New International Version)

28Jesus turned and said to them, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29For the time will come when you will say, 'Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!'30Then " 'they will say to the mountains, "Fall on us!" and to the hills, "Cover us!" 31For if men do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?"

Another needed devotional.

I find myself frequently wishing I was able to run around like I had no child. I keep waiting and looking forward to the days where she will be independent enough to be on her own (without me, not ALONE) for some amount of time. Even though I know when I get to that point I will miss these times. When she wants my company all the time and wants me to hold her and nurse her.

I need to stop whining because these are the best of times and I am thinking of them as a trial to be dealt with and left behind. How foolish is that?

I need to not be jealous of my friends who are not parents. They don't have it better than me. They have it different than I do and would I REALLY want to trade it all in? No. I have never been capable of being this happy before. I'm grateful for what I have now and where I am going. I am glad it happened in the way that it did, because the alternative no longer (really) holds any interest for me.

I am going to attempt to end my constant waiting for tomorrow because I think I may be missing today.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy T-day, Man.

Ok so I am going to liken myself to God & to Marley, but I'm really not very God like, I'm much more Marley-ish.

My relationship with God is quite similar to my relationship with Marley (except no perfect love or anything like that).

I nourish her and comfort her to the point to where I have to sacrifice for her. She takes and takes without really knowing that she is causing me real pain. (Like actual pain, have you ever nursed a kid with teeth? It hurts, trust me on this). She accepts the comfort because it feels good to her but sometimes she has trouble reciprocating the love. Mostly because she is a baby and she does not know any better. All she cares about is her needs and getting them met. She does not realize that when I try to teach her something it goes faster when she does not resist.

All of these things are like my relationship with God... (-nursing). I'm a big self absorbed baby who is out to have her needs met. God is a mom trying to show me that my needs would be met a whole lot faster if I would just STOP RESISTING.

So what is my point here? I guess it is two things. 1. I need to accept that I should follow God's plan and give up my own silly agenda. 2. Marley needs to understand that diapering is not child abuse so she may as well just hold still long enough for me do it.


I am breathlessly thankful for my family. Immediate and otherwise. I wouldn't be alive without them (particularly mom & dad for the obvious reasons and the not so obvious ones too). I am also thankful for ice cream. I am thankful for Bob for being a buoy when my seas are out of control.


I am still having pretty severe anger issues. I am even having trouble concealing it. Don't say it is because I am tired either, we are ALL tired.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A bit of all of it.




Yesterday I was inundated by mood issues. Then horrific nightmares (the kind that can actually not get any worse) in the night. I woke up and prayed that God would intervene. There has been much improvement though I still feel like flaring up a bit.

I think that perhaps I need to stop burying the swings. I keep thinking "it's just a personality flaw" or some such thing. Then I try to change it and have no luck, or it will come and go with time and does not appear to be.. situational.

I think after Bob & I get married and the evil HR hag gives me insurance I am going to see whoever I need to see to talk about medication. Since I'm all therapied out.


Things Marley does NOT like:
Riding in the car
Being picked up
Being put down
Not being allowed to nurse 24/7
Sleeping for 4+ hours consecutively(hey as long as it's more than 2 I am good to go!)
Long goodbyes

Things Marley DOES like:
Ice cream (any flavor)
Keys (kitties)
Milkshakes (any flavor)
Dora the Explorer
DOLLS (lots and lots of them)
Things that belong to other people
ABC song
Her nose (and picking it)
Bubbles Bubbles (a sesame street book)

I feel like (additional) discounts should be given for making an effort at electrical conservation.


Would life be worth much of anything without the written word? Could we be as culturally and academically rich if we had to rely on spoken word?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Things I've learned...

Less is frequently more.

The best makeover you can give a room is to clean it.

If you have not worn it in a year... ok a year and a half, donate it.

Pairing your socks is unnecessary if you buy a large amount of the same socks.

Not everyone can see the different shades of white.

Not everyone can see the different shades of black.

For humans, love will never be enough. Though it ought to be.

It's better to just say what is true rather then sparing someone's feelings.

Cats are always right and seldom change.

Dogs will change with praise.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Things I've learned...

Sometimes a kid needs a parent more than a friend.

In relationships, the person who needs to win, loses.

Sometimes there will not be an acceptable resolution and you just have to move on.

Don't let the sun set on your anger... but sometimes sleeping it off may actually be the best choice, because the anger is actually fatigue, frustration and end-of-the-day just-plain-being-doneness.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


So yesterday I was reading one of my devotional books and the lesson was the need to pray during good times and bad times. I felt like this was definitely applicable for me. Marley had 2 great nights of sleeping. Sleeping without needing to be comforted for 4 hours at a time. Those two nights all I did was play online when I would normally be praying to God she will sleep and reading my Bible.

Today one of my devotionals was about learning to apologize to your kids when you are in the wrong. Like... when you lose your temper because you have to comfort them back to sleep every hour again after 2 good days of sleeping :/ Or when you have to wake up AND also get out of bed to clean a poop diaper even though you're cold and tired and the kid is question keeps trying to struggle away when the new diaper is going on.

The other devotional is about the importance of discipling and setting boundaries for your kids. Which really sheds light on my attempts to night wean. I just need to say no. Even though I'm too tired, too grumpy and too feeling guilty to say no, I need to say no. So I can stop feeling so rotten about sometimes saying no and sometimes saying yes.

Least she is in a great mood during the day.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Marley is the most femme baby ever. She loves to carry around her dolls and squeeeeeeeze them, she loves to carry around purses, wear bracelets, necklaces, bows and hats. She likes when I use my blush brush to tickle her nose. But, what she loves most? SHOES.

What else makes Marley happy? Hiding. I think for her age is way ahead of the curve.

PS. Blogspot's photo uploading is ridiculously stupid.


Last night I had a nightmare. And all of my dreams, good or bad are always intense and seem very real to me. I almost always remember them and I use to have 3-5 every night. Now that we have Marley I only have time for about 2 a night. :) :/

So anyhow last night I was having a nightmare that my village was being attacked by huge swarms of vampires and I was trying to save all the village children and such. But in my dream I knew that they were not going to survive and I was getting more and more uset, so I stood up and screamed in my dream, "No! No! I am NOT going to dream this anymore! I won't!"

But, then someone told me, "You only think you're dreaming." Then the rest of the dream played itself out till I woke up to a baby foot in the ribs.
Recently I have had better uck with controlling my dreams and not having nightmares but last night I was totally denied any of that control :/

Friday, October 23, 2009

Lindsey & Matt are married!

Bob & I took the night off work and parenting to go to Lindsey's wedding and it was just beautiful. They had it at Kayla's Korner on Lake Lyndsay and I thought the spot was just breath-taking. A rustic location for a autumnal celebration of love love love.

My favorite part? Lindsey was breath-taking. Her dress had sparkle and fell in the most elegant waves around her. Watching her walk down the stairs was truly a lovely vision.

I'm so happy for them. It was a great reception and the cake Robyn baked and decorated was raved over and was delicious.

One of the flower girls was around the age that Aimee and Marley will be at our own wedding and Bob and I kept talking about how overwhelmingly cute that is going to be!

Awww amore! Congratulations Spunky Thumper/Snowball & Matt! You make me smile.


Also I don't know what it was or when it was but I touched something that obviously had latex in it and now my right hand is swollen and itches like mad.

And Marley who was watched by her Grannie and Grandpa Ralph did very well. She got to dance with robots. Which pretty much makes her the most hardcore baby ever.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you could just tell that everything that they said, they had heard from someone else and all they were doing was parroting the ideas? I'd be annoyed if it were not so sad.
I have been playing a real time strategy game called Evony online and it feels good to be playing ANY game (besides cards) again.
I am already Christmas shopping... Ok, I have been Christmas shopping all month. Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open for great gifts.
I am going to become a Polymer clay master. Bob is very supportive of this. I think this is because he wants me to make him some miniature bacon.
I keep having dreams about people from my past whom I no longer speak to at all. Very strange, could all you weird obscure people get out of my head? Thanks.
Hey people who want to debate vaccines with me? I won't debate with you. So ha.ha.ha. I'll state my opinion and agree to disagree which will likely send your spinning off into orbit (which I privately find very entertaining!)

Monday, October 19, 2009


Bobby & I are trying to figure out what is causing Marley's symptoms. They are as follows:

Walking in circles over and over
Laughing hysterically
Spooning laptop bags
Falling down on accident*

*by on accident we mean, on purpose.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Exhausted Rambling.

I cannot fully express how frustrated I am with this nighttime scenario. I feel like I am getting to the end of where I can cope with it anymore. Every night I am breaking down in sobs because I can't control anything or make any of it better.


Right before bedtime Marley starts to get really "mean". Pinching, scratching, hair pulling (more than usual). Tonight has been fairly average. I started bedtime at 9:25 and crawled out of her room at 10:05. She woke up at 12a and because I am not nursing her every time she wakes up in attempts to night wean her, she cried for 25 minutes until she fell back asleep. I dont let her cry alone. I go in the room with her and sometimes if she is wailing I will stand up and hold her but most the time I just lay next to her, rubbing her back from time to time and laying her back down if she sits up. 65 minutes of trying to get her to sleep, 115 minutes of sleep.

She has three days of ear infection medicine left, she has a well-check doctor appointment on the 22nd. I give her a full dose of motrin before bed, she has been doing much better with solid foods (though still only a few ounces a day), She is working on teeth at any given time...

I have been sleeping in her room almost exclusively because by the time I go to bed she is waking up even more frequently then the 115 minutes. I'm tired and I miss Bob. My favorite part of the day is going to bed with him and I rarely get that any more. This SUCKS and I don't know what the purpose of it all is. It makes it very frustrating. It actually makes it worse to think of it as being part of some bigger plan. Because I cannot imagine who this is serving.

I am trying to stay cheerful during the day even though the closer we get to bedtime, the more apprehensive I get. Nighttime is the worst part of the day for me now, when it use to be the best.

Sure, it could be teething but her sleep has been crazy since she was 5 months old. She didn't get teeth till around her first birthday. I am so tired.

I don't know what happened at 5 months that set her on this wakeful night pattern but I am tired of praying about it. I want to pray without ceasing but I am sick of this topic of prayer. It is my whole life and is changing my whole personality.

"God please help Marley to fall asleep and stay asleep... God, please help her fall back asleep.. Help me to have a good attitude about her sleep... Why can't You just MAKE her sleep..."

So if I am short with you, don't worry about it and forgive me please. I'm too frustrated and tired and likely, distracted to even realize I'm being a jerk.

...Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


There was no less than 5 books involved in my bible study tonight. So I guess bible study would be more aptly called... Personal Faith Exploration & Renewal time. Just kidding that name is way too freaking long.

Anyway the combination of the books I read made me remember something that I frequently have forgotten these last few days (weeks?) while dealing with Marley's bedtime issues.

The Joy of Salvation.

I remember that I suck and fall short of the glory of God and that God does not answer all my prayers in the way I want because of some larger plan. I just don't always remember that God has brought me GREAT joy and that I can worry about earthly crap all I want, but when the body gives out, my spirit will go on and THAT I don't need to worry about.

So let there be joy (on top of all the stress, anxiety, uncertainty & disappointment).



Sunday, October 11, 2009


You're supposed to be a fisher or men.

No one comes to the Father except through Jesus Christ.

No one sees God unless He opens their eyes.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Retro Fittings

Today Harper & I went to St. Vincent DePaul's charity fashion show and we had a fantastic time. It was EVERYTHING I wanted it to be. Marley stayed with Gigi & Grandpa Bob and they ate ice cream and it seemed Marley had a fantastic time (yayyyy!)

Harper & I cut in the valet parking line and got disapproving stares and comments. I am pretty sure that the people we line-jumped were comfortable waiting in their Chrysler 300's and Lexus SUV's, while us more privileged-Cavalier-driving folk got to go first. What can I say? It
pays to be meek...

So we got to eat the hor'douvres (spelling: fail) and I drank a Cuba Libre and Harper drank wine and generally speaking we had a good time.

The show itself was adorable. Project Runway it wasn't but better then a charity show has a right to be it was. Shayne Graham was the MC and he was fabulous. If he didn't really want to be there, you couldn't tell.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Sleepless in Cincinnati... always..

So I was reading Duetoronomomonomonoominy and I was near the end and I noticed the part of Moses' "song" or right around the song, I don't recall and my bible is in the other room. Anyways, God says that the people acted foolishly and evilly and so God "hid His face".

It makes sense that God would hide His face when we act like fools. So when I question where is God perhaps I should ask what foolish thing I have done?

I am very tired, none of this makes sense I will guess.
Marley didn't sleep much at all last night (worse then usual), I had a breakdown, Bob was no particular help this time.

We went to the doc and long story made short, the doc teared up when she heard about what I have been going through with Marley (horrible night routine, the nursing around the clock) and offered me some solutions and support. A Godsend. Also Marley has an ear infection, Thank God for that too. I was afraid there was no reason for her antics. I know I am a horrible person for saying that.

Off to watch Butterflies are Free & Top Chef (with many baby interruptions).

Sunday, September 27, 2009

This and that and the other.

I KNEW the Bengals would win. From first quarter till the end, I was confident :)
I am practicing french braiding my own hair. Second night into the practice and it's... passable but laughable.
When you think of the word 'purpose', do you think of the beginning of an undertaking or the end?

Friday, September 25, 2009


This is today's haul of refurbed goodies from St. Vincent DePaul. I painted the bird and the birdcage a matte silver. I removed the oil painting from the frame and painted it white.

I am in love with that plater. Only found two of them but I am determined to rustle up some more!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Old Testament continues... for awhile.

I have been making (lackluster) notes as I have been reading Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus (blegh) and Numbers (more blegh).

The last 3 mentioned books make the lack of Bible Scholarship more pronounced. Putting into context the people, their actions and God's actions/reactions is difficult when you have so much trouble knowing what their lives & laws are like. I'm not saying I won't learn eventually about it but for now, it is a steep undertaking to even consider learning it all.

My first note is about Exodus 32 when Aaron (naughty boy) makes the Golden Calf and God is ticked (in a divine righteous way) and talking to Moses. God is saying "Leave me alone because I am going to smite these people and make some new ones who don't suck so bad." But Moses DOESN'T leave and he asks God to reconsider. Would I have done that? Probably not, I would have tucked my tail (and maybe felt a little high and mighty). The part that REALLY blew my mind was that God "relents/repents/changes his mind". God changes His mind?

I have not found any satisfactory explanation as to the whether God actually changes his mind or not but I did find an interesting commentary on God and His workings.

"God often waits until something happens before He "makes His move." In the Garden of Adam and Eve, God waits to come on the scene until after Adam and Eve sinned. God promises Abraham he would be the father of a great nation, but waits until after Ishmael is born before he allows Abraham to have Isaac. Jesus waited until Lazarus died before going to resurrect him. In fact, Jesus' incarnation did not occur until the time of Roman oppression and Pharisaical legalistic apostasy. Can we not also expect that God had Moses wait on the Mount until the people of Israel feel into idolatry so that He might desire to exterminate them, and so that Moses might intercede (as a type of Christ), so that God might show His mercy? Notice how the intercession of Moses is an appeal to the grace of God in face of the Law of God which had already been given." -From Here
So that I found very interesting. It almost seems cruel but I won't pretend to know what is best in the long run since my show is a drop in the bucket of time.

~Another Note~
This one was pretty upsetting to me. More from Exodus 32. Verses 25 through 29 (ish)
I won't quote it here because I don't understand it. I've learned some use these verses as part of an argument for the death penalty. I don't think those arguments are valid since I don't see God commanding those deaths but mostly the texts I mentioned just make it sound so... brutal. I know God has some very physical violent dealings done for Him but this particular case is almost too primitive.

~Another Note~
Let me just say that what I say about this may sound horrible, and I'm OK with that.

Azazel. Mentioned first in Leviticus (blegh).

"Then he shall take the two goats, and set them before The Lord at the door of the tent of meeting; and Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats, one lot for The Lord and the other lot for Azazel. And Aaron shall present the goat on which the lot fell for The Lord, and offer it as a sin offering; but the goat on which the lot fell for Azazel shall be presented alive before The Lord to make atonement over it, that it may be sent away into the wilderness to Azazel." Leviticus 16: 7-10
So I read this and I get confused. Azazel? Who's that guy and why does he get these goats? According to the wonders of the internet and ENDLESS texts by Hebrew colleges and their students who (seem to) never sleep I find out how Azazel is pruported to be... A demon! Why the explanation point? Because it is exciting. Not because I think demons are awesome or super sweet or anything but because I am (for better or worse) a science fiction/fantasy fanatic. I am ashamed but I won't deny it. I love a good bad guy. The bad guys just make the good guys... so much better.

Ok, no more on that because I'll get myself in trouble because I know so little (and therefor should have said nothing at all to begin with).

~Another Note~

This is one is much more practical. In Exodus, Leviticus (blegh) and Numbers when Moses is acting for God to lead God's chosen people out of Egypt and slavery one thing keeps recurring. The people WHINE.SO.MUCH. It is VERY annoying. These people have a guy talking to God face to face and they are still complaining.

I got all the way to Numbers 14 or so when I realized the bad part. I am just as bad as they are... no, worse. They are wandering through deserts and wilderness and craziness without being sure what will happen next and they are whining to God about being abandoned and about what God has chosen for them. I can't even put my delightful-and-blessidly-healthy baby to bed for the night without questioning God.

I try to get her to bed and I fail miserably and right away my "snap on" rage shows up and I am angry. I am angry at whoever and I am angry at God because it would be so easy for Him to just *blip* her to happy sleeping-through-the-nightness.

"It would be better for me to have died in Egypt then deal with this incredibly temporary problem I am having within the confines of my very comfortable and blissfully-air-conditioned home."

I am a whiney, ungrateful weasel of a friend.

Big sigh.

Thats all the notes I have for now.
My conclusion? I need to lay off the scifi novels, I need to deal with my anger issues and get some perspective.

(For those of you who didn't sign up for the windy Bible rambling...)

Here ya go. Marley reading her kiddie Bible @ Book case base camp.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Toby & Marley

He says so many hysterical things in one day that I can't remember a fraction of the hilarity by the time I get home.

"When your kid is freaking out give them a wet cookie and glass of water." -Toby

Can YOU prove him wrong?


A quick word on where Marley is at right now.
She is still no where near STTN (sleeping through the night aka 12am-5am), she refuses almost all solids, she is at about 2.5 teeth, she just started walking while holding one of my hands but not officially walking yet. She loves the little puppy and she loves to howl and then he howls back at her. She loves to dance, drum, make rabbit face but MOST OF ALL she LOOOOOOOVES to hug babies and kiss them and squeeze them.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Creepy Chandelier

Creepiest light ever?

(from Pottery Barn)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dog Naming Continues

Bobsscreenname (12:34:56 PM): Barker
Bobsscreenname (12:35:06 PM): Bingo
Bobsscreenname (12:35:10 PM): Butkus
HelfixDopo (12:38:34 PM): so we'd have bob and marley and bob and barker?
Bobsscreenname (12:38:46 PM): LOL YES!
HelfixDopo (12:38:49 PM): we could change murphys name to villa
HelfixDopo (12:38:56 PM): and my name to newhart

I am pretty sure I need to own this.

Of course they are nothing a like, but that is ok, they'd both work over my dining room table.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The cats out of the bag...

We got a puppy. Yeah, I know how this will be recieved. We're crazy, we know. But you couldn't beat the price ;) and it just ended the 8-10 months of arguing back and forth on whether or not to get another dog. Although really it has been in discussion since shortly after Guinness died & we rehomed the devil... I mean, Bebe. (Almost 2 years ago).

Found the guy on craigslist. He's 8 weeks old (his birthday is July 11th) and he is very very very lazy. Murphy is mildly curious and approves of the situation. He's always been a dog's dog. He came from just the nicest family you could ever meet and they had just adopted the mom dog (who was already pregnant) and they brought her to their home and their other dog
impregnated her more (this is something that happens to dogs). So the result was a purebred husky puppy and 4 husky mastiff mix puppies. Not exactly a "cute" story but, hey, it is interesting anyway. (Scandalous dogs).

So we brought him home and he is a very sweet little guy. You can REALLY see the mastiff personality in him. Very family oriented and (like I said) very very very lazy.

The most amazing part of the whole story? Since we brought him home on Friday at around noon, he has only had ONE peepee accident. All other peepees and dog doo's have found their way to the yard. Compared to Guinness & Murphy... My mind is blown. Those two destroyed a LOT of carpet. It helps that I can be home to enforce a good eating and BM schedule I guess.

So, yes we are crazy. Yes we're a bit sheepish about it.

Still no name. We have been through a LOT of possibilities. Bob said no to Debussy, I said no to Dunkel. We settled on Obi, only to change our minds because it sounds so much like Toby. Right now we're in negotiations about "Bosley".

Edit: For whatever reason my pictures won't resize. Sorry.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Little ditty

The sins of sloth and gluttony are their own punishment.

Remember when you procrastinate, you choose last. -Incubus

Thursday, September 3, 2009


I got the most amazing pie shelves out of my neighbor's garbage today. It was a real trial to get home but well worth it. That is all I will say about that.

It is amazing the circles that our lives go in.

Bible Study is a blessing. Sometimes it seems like a trial because a cranky baby or 3 but really... the benefits are so tremendous it doesn't matter.

The story of Moses is terrible. Terrible in the awesome, galvanizing, mind-boggling, inconceivable way. I am not smart enough to really take it all in.

Murphy is very cute despite his antics.

I hope Erin gets fired so she can start focusing on me again. (Sorry Erin). :D

I think Mom is half serious about wanting Erin & Jenny to wear princess costumes at the wedding. ;)

Cinderella's feet are size 5.5.

What virtue has golden sunlight if it fails to fall on grateful shoulders?

Romance is so much more romantic in the eyes of the beholder then in the mind of the participants.

As you may be able to tell from the last two tidbits, I am still reading (listening) to the Anne of Green Gables series. I have just gotten to the part in Anne of the Island when Ruby dies. I am struck over and over by the small moments of violence in these otherwise lowkey romantic tales. Not violence in the way our generation would think of it but subtle graphic moments that smack of real life.

When Anne is talking to Ruby about Ruby's imminent death (caused by the consumption) it really struck a chord in me. They are talking about how Ruby need not fear death because Heaven will be a wonderful place. But Ruby is afraid because everything she loves is in this life. Isn't that why we all fear death? Because we're afraid of what happens afterwards and what we were leaving behind? As a Christian I should not fear death because this life should and will be a pale thing compared to the richness of heaven. Sometimes I forget that.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Interior Design

I love design. I love love love love love love it. I less than three it HARD. So why is my house (with the exception of Marley's room)... so lackluster? Even better question... why is my house so contemporary when I swoon over cottage chic? Over French Country wallpaper? Over a well placed English rose pattern?! AGHHHHHH It does not make sense.

One reason for my contemporary in-a-box design is that my house really is, a box. A box with interior walls seperating the box into smaller boxes. It makes me think that none of my design desires would be appropriate. And maybe they are not appropriate... but I think I should do them anyway.

Why shouldn't I paint my office dark dark blue with hot pink accents? Why can't I have a beach-inspired bathroom RIGHT next to my cottage chic half-bathroom? Why shouldn't I paint my bedroom kelly green and stencil one wall with chandeliers? What is to stop me from stenciling my kitchen cabinets with organic shapes? OH I already did that one. One project down, a thousand to go.

-Paint office "passport blue"
- Accessorize office with "burnt your ass pink"

-Paint bathroom blue and get rid of all the pink crap.
-Put up beadboard and get a square sink.

-Paint bedroom grass green and stencil chandeliers on focal wall.
-Convince Bob that shabby chic isn't hyper feminine (even though it really is).

Conversation with Brenyn:

HelfixDopo (11:16:11 PM): describe your interior design style in one word
brenyn(11:16:41 PM): bright
HelfixDopo (11:16:51 PM): hmm im looking for something like....
HelfixDopo (11:17:19 PM): cottage-chic, rustic, modern, contemporary, victorian, traditional etc
brenyn (11:18:23 PM): traditional
HelfixDopo (11:18:49 PM): thats what i thought
HelfixDopo (11:18:59 PM): but its like adjusted traditional.
HelfixDopo (11:19:09 PM): "bright traditional"
brenyn (11:19:53 PM): thats two words lol
HelfixDopo (11:20:19 PM): thats ok, ill work with it
HelfixDopo (11:20:30 PM): what would you say robyns style is?
brenyn (11:21:44 PM): same? but subtle not bright
HelfixDopo (11:22:28 PM): and mine?
brenynashley07 (11:23:24 PM): contemproary?
brenynashley07 (11:23:37 PM): depends really .
HelfixDopo (11:23:53 PM): im a listless style scallywag of failboat.
brenyn (11:23:56 PM): what you do and what i feel like you woulld do no holes barred lol


That about sums it up.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Beautiful day & Bible Study

Had a fantastic day. The weather was beautiful and I spent much of the day outside. I went to Grandpa's new house in Sayler Park where Ma and Dad were then went to their place. Walked around the garden and tried to think like Anne of Green Gables. It was a relatively easy task because of the setting.

Robyn, Aimee and Toby joined us and we all had a picnic dinner at Fernbank park and it was a lot of fun. Marley got through the whole day in a good mood despite having had no nap at all to boost her spirits. We talked about vacations, weddings and such things that are pleasent to talk about.


Been reading the old testament lately (decided to go from Genesis 1 and carry on mostly chronologically for now) and I was struck by several things.

Sometimes I feel like it is just impossible to keep track of all the members of my family because (now) there are so many more of them. Then I read about Jacob and his ENORMOUS (Duggar proportions) family. Now I feel like I should be able to manage.

Also towards the end of Joseph's story when his brothers are begging him not to take revenge on them. Even though they plotted to kill him, got him sold into slavery, landed him in prison for 3 or so years, and the like. So they beg him to be merciful and what does Joseph say?
19 But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 21 No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.

Wish I was that forgiving. Something to work on. Not an east undertaking to be sure.

Also when I was reading about Moses I was struck how Moses was afraid to be God's moutpiece because he didn't feel like he was elequent enough. How often do I not say something because I think (/know) I will mess it up. Afraid to sound foolish. But God told Moses that the words would be provided to him and perhaps even better than that Aaron was brought in to help Moses. Nothing helps bolster courage like having a friend to stand with you.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Picture Post

This isn't super current but I love it. Taken at the Duebber's right before the birthday extraveganza.
No longer forward nor behind I look in hope or fear; But, grateful, take the good I find, The best of now and here. ~ Whittier

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Amazing. He took a polaroid nearly every day from 1979 to 1997 when he died of cancer. His wedding polaroids were shortly before the pictures stop in his hospital room. Life is short.

Monday, August 17, 2009


So life has been pretty nice these weeks.

Marley's sleep is going much much better! She is regularly doing 4+ hours in a row. Yay!
I coloured my hair dark brown and I like it (so far).
I have had a few setbacks with nuptial planning but all of the setbacks have been immediately followed by positive alternate ideas.
I had been reading 1 kings and 2 kings in the Word but I have moved to reading Genesis because I need more chronological order in my life.
I feel like something needs to go wrong because life may not be perfect right now, but it is going better then anyone has any right to expect for themselves.
All of Marley's grandparents are blessings. Many people are not that lucky. Praise God!


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Lafe lawl

A good friend of mine and most likely you know him too.

neighborhood watch ruff cut

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Bathing suit envy

I want this bathing suit!
By Camilla and Marc
Found at chicandchivalrous.com
So I thought I already did this but...

I have made a blog specifically for wedding stuff because I don't want to clutter up this one with flowery rambling.

Wedding Smorgy.

We just woke up from the third night of Marley's great sleep. 1st night she went to bed without nursing and slept for 4 hours (a record for her), the second night she slept after nursing for 8 consecutive hours (one of the only times she has done that), and last night she did 7 hours consecutive!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Rock Your Soul


Parenting is complicated.

Marley is sick. Sinus infection/cold? Plus they are checking her platlet levels to see if she may have some clotting issues that are causing the bruises on her lower half or if it is just standard almost-toddler bruising.

Yesterday I realized that while child led scheduling may be a loving parenting style, I still have to be the one to recognize when enough is enough or when enough is too much.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Holy Interiors, Batman.


So I have officially named the room that has until now been referred to as "the office", "extra room", "yellow room", "murphy's room", "other bedroom", etc. I am now going to call it, MY OFFICE. Since I don't get an office out in the real world, I'll take one here on Pameleen.

It is currently (and you might have guessed this) yellow. I don't care for it. I know one thing for sure. I am going to somehow frame this super-humongus street map I have and hang it up. It was the map the realtor (aww Reg) gave me during house hunting and anyways I freaking love maps. I have a world map hanging in our bedroom (but our bedroom has no style at all whatsoever)... What was I talking about? Oh yeah. So I was thinking about painting the walls a very saturated mediterranean blue. It is a small room but sometimes it isn't about making the room look bigger, it's "embracing your small space".

I just feel like I need to anchor the room with a dark colour. Hey look at all these sentences and I still have not arrived at a point. That is because there isn't one.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Studying Jesus

So I think I mentioned that I recently felt led to get on out of the book of Job and into the book of Matthew. GREAT decision (really).

Sometimes it feels a bit like wisdom overload. And sometimes I just don't understand what is going on at all. But mostly I just feel like I am learning about someone who gets it, someone who gets me.

Last night I was reading Matthew 13-24 and Jesus is telling the disciples about how he is going to be arrested and crucified in the future and this overwhelming thought hit me. He was thinking of me when that happened. When Jesus the man was bringing himself to terms with the knowledge that he was going to be tortured and killed, he was thinking of me. That was how he dealt with it. He knew that because he loved me, that it was something that would have to happen. That is a love worth knowing. A love worth dying for. A love worth living for. REAL love. Not the shade of love we treasure during our lifetimes but a lasting love that is more forgiving than romantic love, more forgiving even than parental love (though I find this hard to comprehend).

I have also been struck by the way Jesus is moved to compassion. People constantly seeking him out and asking more, more, more of him. People who need to be healed and begging him to give them health and wellness. He takes care of them. Seeing to their needs, even though they seek him out and ask so much over and over again. He does not let his exhaustion effect his capacity for compassion. He does not let his frustration keep him from being the patient shepherd of his flock.

I feel like I am saying very little for how much I feel about this book. It keeps me (nicely) overwhelmed. Humbled.

But my favorite part so far?

Jesus taking out his righteous anger on the fig tree.
18 Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry.
19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it
except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately
the tree withered.

I like this. I can relate to this. When I am hungry, I want to destroy things that get in my way too.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Aimee & Marley Birthday pictures

Birthday cake by Aunt Jenny & Cupcakes by Aunt Robyn

The lunch sandwiche buffet, Bob made all the sandwiches.
(turkey cranberry & brie, egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad, pbj, pb and banana, cucumber sandwiches; fruit salad, broccoli salad, fruit flowers made by my mom; wagon wheels & puffs)

Table set up with photo albums and mementos from their first year.

Aimee, Noah & Marley enjoying some new toys.

Marley went nuts opening her gifts. She did very well with the bday chaos.

Smash cakes! Jenny made mini cakes that looked like cupcakes, so cute! I made the banner over their heads.

You see why I said Marley had chocolate up her nose?

& the smash cake video...