I cannot fully express how frustrated I am with this nighttime scenario. I feel like I am getting to the end of where I can cope with it anymore. Every night I am breaking down in sobs because I can't control anything or make any of it better.
.
Right before bedtime Marley starts to get really "mean". Pinching, scratching, hair pulling (more than usual). Tonight has been fairly average. I started bedtime at 9:25 and crawled out of her room at 10:05. She woke up at 12a and because I am not nursing her every time she wakes up in attempts to night wean her, she cried for 25 minutes until she fell back asleep. I dont let her cry alone. I go in the room with her and sometimes if she is wailing I will stand up and hold her but most the time I just lay next to her, rubbing her back from time to time and laying her back down if she sits up. 65 minutes of trying to get her to sleep, 115 minutes of sleep.
She has three days of ear infection medicine left, she has a well-check doctor appointment on the 22nd. I give her a full dose of motrin before bed, she has been doing much better with solid foods (though still only a few ounces a day), She is working on teeth at any given time...
I have been sleeping in her room almost exclusively because by the time I go to bed she is waking up even more frequently then the 115 minutes. I'm tired and I miss Bob. My favorite part of the day is going to bed with him and I rarely get that any more. This SUCKS and I don't know what the purpose of it all is. It makes it very frustrating. It actually makes it worse to think of it as being part of some bigger plan. Because I cannot imagine who this is serving.
I am trying to stay cheerful during the day even though the closer we get to bedtime, the more apprehensive I get. Nighttime is the worst part of the day for me now, when it use to be the best.
Sure, it could be teething but her sleep has been crazy since she was 5 months old. She didn't get teeth till around her first birthday. I am so tired.
I don't know what happened at 5 months that set her on this wakeful night pattern but I am tired of praying about it. I want to pray without ceasing but I am sick of this topic of prayer. It is my whole life and is changing my whole personality.
"God please help Marley to fall asleep and stay asleep... God, please help her fall back asleep.. Help me to have a good attitude about her sleep... Why can't You just MAKE her sleep..."
So if I am short with you, don't worry about it and forgive me please. I'm too frustrated and tired and likely, distracted to even realize I'm being a jerk.
...Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5