Doh

So yesterday I was reading one of my devotional books and the lesson was the need to pray during good times and bad times. I felt like this was definitely applicable for me. Marley had 2 great nights of sleeping. Sleeping without needing to be comforted for 4 hours at a time. Those two nights all I did was play online when I would normally be praying to God she will sleep and reading my Bible.

Today one of my devotionals was about learning to apologize to your kids when you are in the wrong. Like... when you lose your temper because you have to comfort them back to sleep every hour again after 2 good days of sleeping :/ Or when you have to wake up AND also get out of bed to clean a poop diaper even though you're cold and tired and the kid is question keeps trying to struggle away when the new diaper is going on.

The other devotional is about the importance of discipling and setting boundaries for your kids. Which really sheds light on my attempts to night wean. I just need to say no. Even though I'm too tired, too grumpy and too feeling guilty to say no, I need to say no. So I can stop feeling so rotten about sometimes saying no and sometimes saying yes.

Least she is in a great mood during the day.

Marley

Marley is the most femme baby ever. She loves to carry around her dolls and squeeeeeeeze them, she loves to carry around purses, wear bracelets, necklaces, bows and hats. She likes when I use my blush brush to tickle her nose. But, what she loves most? SHOES.

What else makes Marley happy? Hiding. I think for her age is way ahead of the curve.

PS. Blogspot's photo uploading is ridiculously stupid.

Nightmare

Last night I had a nightmare. And all of my dreams, good or bad are always intense and seem very real to me. I almost always remember them and I use to have 3-5 every night. Now that we have Marley I only have time for about 2 a night. :) :/

So anyhow last night I was having a nightmare that my village was being attacked by huge swarms of vampires and I was trying to save all the village children and such. But in my dream I knew that they were not going to survive and I was getting more and more uset, so I stood up and screamed in my dream, "No! No! I am NOT going to dream this anymore! I won't!"

But, then someone told me, "You only think you're dreaming." Then the rest of the dream played itself out till I woke up to a baby foot in the ribs.

.

Recently I have had better uck with controlling my dreams and not having nightmares but last night I was totally denied any of that control :/

Lindsey & Matt are married!

Bob & I took the night off work and parenting to go to Lindsey's wedding and it was just beautiful. They had it at Kayla's Korner on Lake Lyndsay and I thought the spot was just breath-taking. A rustic location for a autumnal celebration of love love love.

My favorite part? Lindsey was breath-taking. Her dress had sparkle and fell in the most elegant waves around her. Watching her walk down the stairs was truly a lovely vision.

I'm so happy for them. It was a great reception and the cake Robyn baked and decorated was raved over and was delicious.

One of the flower girls was around the age that Aimee and Marley will be at our own wedding and Bob and I kept talking about how overwhelmingly cute that is going to be!

Awww amore! Congratulations Spunky Thumper/Snowball & Matt! You make me smile.

*Edit*

Also I don't know what it was or when it was but I touched something that obviously had latex in it and now my right hand is swollen and itches like mad.

And Marley who was watched by her Grannie and Grandpa Ralph did very well. She got to dance with robots. Which pretty much makes her the most hardcore baby ever.

BlahChaCha

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you could just tell that everything that they said, they had heard from someone else and all they were doing was parroting the ideas? I'd be annoyed if it were not so sad.

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I have been playing a real time strategy game called Evony online and it feels good to be playing ANY game (besides cards) again.

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I am already Christmas shopping... Ok, I have been Christmas shopping all month. Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open for great gifts.

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I am going to become a Polymer clay master. Bob is very supportive of this. I think this is because he wants me to make him some miniature bacon.

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I keep having dreams about people from my past whom I no longer speak to at all. Very strange, could all you weird obscure people get out of my head? Thanks.

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Hey people who want to debate vaccines with me? I won't debate with you. So ha.ha.ha. I'll state my opinion and agree to disagree which will likely send your spinning off into orbit (which I privately find very entertaining!)

Goofybabyitis

Bobby & I are trying to figure out what is causing Marley's symptoms. They are as follows:

Walking in circles over and over

Laughing hysterically

Spooning laptop bags

Falling down on accident*

*by on accident we mean, on purpose.

:)

Exhausted Rambling.

I cannot fully express how frustrated I am with this nighttime scenario. I feel like I am getting to the end of where I can cope with it anymore. Every night I am breaking down in sobs because I can't control anything or make any of it better.

.

Right before bedtime Marley starts to get really "mean". Pinching, scratching, hair pulling (more than usual). Tonight has been fairly average. I started bedtime at 9:25 and crawled out of her room at 10:05. She woke up at 12a and because I am not nursing her every time she wakes up in attempts to night wean her, she cried for 25 minutes until she fell back asleep. I dont let her cry alone. I go in the room with her and sometimes if she is wailing I will stand up and hold her but most the time I just lay next to her, rubbing her back from time to time and laying her back down if she sits up. 65 minutes of trying to get her to sleep, 115 minutes of sleep.

She has three days of ear infection medicine left, she has a well-check doctor appointment on the 22nd. I give her a full dose of motrin before bed, she has been doing much better with solid foods (though still only a few ounces a day), She is working on teeth at any given time...

I have been sleeping in her room almost exclusively because by the time I go to bed she is waking up even more frequently then the 115 minutes. I'm tired and I miss Bob. My favorite part of the day is going to bed with him and I rarely get that any more. This SUCKS and I don't know what the purpose of it all is. It makes it very frustrating. It actually makes it worse to think of it as being part of some bigger plan. Because I cannot imagine who this is serving.

I am trying to stay cheerful during the day even though the closer we get to bedtime, the more apprehensive I get. Nighttime is the worst part of the day for me now, when it use to be the best.

Sure, it could be teething but her sleep has been crazy since she was 5 months old. She didn't get teeth till around her first birthday. I am so tired.

I don't know what happened at 5 months that set her on this wakeful night pattern but I am tired of praying about it. I want to pray without ceasing but I am sick of this topic of prayer. It is my whole life and is changing my whole personality.

"God please help Marley to fall asleep and stay asleep... God, please help her fall back asleep.. Help me to have a good attitude about her sleep... Why can't You just MAKE her sleep..."

So if I am short with you, don't worry about it and forgive me please. I'm too frustrated and tired and likely, distracted to even realize I'm being a jerk.

...Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalms 30:5

Happiness

There was no less than 5 books involved in my bible study tonight. So I guess bible study would be more aptly called... Personal Faith Exploration & Renewal time. Just kidding that name is way too freaking long.

Anyway the combination of the books I read made me remember something that I frequently have forgotten these last few days (weeks?) while dealing with Marley's bedtime issues.

The Joy of Salvation.

I remember that I suck and fall short of the glory of God and that God does not answer all my prayers in the way I want because of some larger plan. I just don't always remember that God has brought me GREAT joy and that I can worry about earthly crap all I want, but when the body gives out, my spirit will go on and THAT I don't need to worry about.

So let there be joy (on top of all the stress, anxiety, uncertainty & disappointment).

:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQCWPcYD5nQ

Confused.

You're supposed to be a fisher or men.

No one comes to the Father except through Jesus Christ.

No one sees God unless He opens their eyes.

Argh.

Retro Fittings

Today Harper & I went to St. Vincent DePaul's charity fashion show and we had a fantastic time. It was EVERYTHING I wanted it to be. Marley stayed with Gigi & Grandpa Bob and they ate ice cream and it seemed Marley had a fantastic time (yayyyy!)

Harper & I cut in the valet parking line and got disapproving stares and comments. I am pretty sure that the people we line-jumped were comfortable waiting in their Chrysler 300's and Lexus SUV's, while us more privileged-Cavalier-driving folk got to go first. What can I say? It

pays to be meek...

So we got to eat the hor'douvres (spelling: fail) and I drank a Cuba Libre and Harper drank wine and generally speaking we had a good time.

The show itself was adorable. Project Runway it wasn't but better then a charity show has a right to be it was. Shayne Graham was the MC and he was fabulous. If he didn't really want to be there, you couldn't tell.

It.felt.so.good.to.be.an.adult.with.free.hands.

Sleepless in Cincinnati... always..

So I was reading Duetoronomomonomonoominy and I was near the end and I noticed the part of Moses' "song" or right around the song, I don't recall and my bible is in the other room. Anyways, God says that the people acted foolishly and evilly and so God "hid His face".

It makes sense that God would hide His face when we act like fools. So when I question where is God perhaps I should ask what foolish thing I have done?

I am very tired, none of this makes sense I will guess.

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Marley didn't sleep much at all last night (worse then usual), I had a breakdown, Bob was no particular help this time.

We went to the doc and long story made short, the doc teared up when she heard about what I have been going through with Marley (horrible night routine, the nursing around the clock) and offered me some solutions and support. A Godsend. Also Marley has an ear infection, Thank God for that too. I was afraid there was no reason for her antics. I know I am a horrible person for saying that.

Off to watch Butterflies are Free & Top Chef (with many baby interruptions).