Saturday, November 28, 2009

Daughters of Jerusalem

Luke 23:28-31 (New International Version)

28Jesus turned and said to them, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29For the time will come when you will say, 'Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!'30Then " 'they will say to the mountains, "Fall on us!" and to the hills, "Cover us!" 31For if men do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?"


Another needed devotional.

I find myself frequently wishing I was able to run around like I had no child. I keep waiting and looking forward to the days where she will be independent enough to be on her own (without me, not ALONE) for some amount of time. Even though I know when I get to that point I will miss these times. When she wants my company all the time and wants me to hold her and nurse her.

I need to stop whining because these are the best of times and I am thinking of them as a trial to be dealt with and left behind. How foolish is that?

I need to not be jealous of my friends who are not parents. They don't have it better than me. They have it different than I do and would I REALLY want to trade it all in? No. I have never been capable of being this happy before. I'm grateful for what I have now and where I am going. I am glad it happened in the way that it did, because the alternative no longer (really) holds any interest for me.

I am going to attempt to end my constant waiting for tomorrow because I think I may be missing today.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy T-day, Man.

Ok so I am going to liken myself to God & to Marley, but I'm really not very God like, I'm much more Marley-ish.

My relationship with God is quite similar to my relationship with Marley (except no perfect love or anything like that).

I nourish her and comfort her to the point to where I have to sacrifice for her. She takes and takes without really knowing that she is causing me real pain. (Like actual pain, have you ever nursed a kid with teeth? It hurts, trust me on this). She accepts the comfort because it feels good to her but sometimes she has trouble reciprocating the love. Mostly because she is a baby and she does not know any better. All she cares about is her needs and getting them met. She does not realize that when I try to teach her something it goes faster when she does not resist.

All of these things are like my relationship with God... (-nursing). I'm a big self absorbed baby who is out to have her needs met. God is a mom trying to show me that my needs would be met a whole lot faster if I would just STOP RESISTING.

So what is my point here? I guess it is two things. 1. I need to accept that I should follow God's plan and give up my own silly agenda. 2. Marley needs to understand that diapering is not child abuse so she may as well just hold still long enough for me do it.

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I am breathlessly thankful for my family. Immediate and otherwise. I wouldn't be alive without them (particularly mom & dad for the obvious reasons and the not so obvious ones too). I am also thankful for ice cream. I am thankful for Bob for being a buoy when my seas are out of control.

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I am still having pretty severe anger issues. I am even having trouble concealing it. Don't say it is because I am tired either, we are ALL tired.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A bit of all of it.

http://www.bible-researcher.com/ncv.html

Unsure.

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Yesterday I was inundated by mood issues. Then horrific nightmares (the kind that can actually not get any worse) in the night. I woke up and prayed that God would intervene. There has been much improvement though I still feel like flaring up a bit.

I think that perhaps I need to stop burying the swings. I keep thinking "it's just a personality flaw" or some such thing. Then I try to change it and have no luck, or it will come and go with time and does not appear to be.. situational.

I think after Bob & I get married and the evil HR hag gives me insurance I am going to see whoever I need to see to talk about medication. Since I'm all therapied out.

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Things Marley does NOT like:
Riding in the car
Clothes
Diapers
Squirrels
Being picked up
Being put down
Not being allowed to nurse 24/7
Sleeping for 4+ hours consecutively(hey as long as it's more than 2 I am good to go!)
Long goodbyes
Wind

Things Marley DOES like:
Ice cream (any flavor)
Doggies
Keys (kitties)
Milkshakes (any flavor)
Dora the Explorer
DOLLS (lots and lots of them)
Things that belong to other people
Dirt
ABC song
Her nose (and picking it)
Bubbles Bubbles (a sesame street book)
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I feel like (additional) discounts should be given for making an effort at electrical conservation.

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Would life be worth much of anything without the written word? Could we be as culturally and academically rich if we had to rely on spoken word?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Things I've learned...

Less is frequently more.

The best makeover you can give a room is to clean it.

If you have not worn it in a year... ok a year and a half, donate it.

Pairing your socks is unnecessary if you buy a large amount of the same socks.

Not everyone can see the different shades of white.

Not everyone can see the different shades of black.

For humans, love will never be enough. Though it ought to be.

It's better to just say what is true rather then sparing someone's feelings.

Cats are always right and seldom change.

Dogs will change with praise.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Things I've learned...

Sometimes a kid needs a parent more than a friend.

In relationships, the person who needs to win, loses.

Sometimes there will not be an acceptable resolution and you just have to move on.

Don't let the sun set on your anger... but sometimes sleeping it off may actually be the best choice, because the anger is actually fatigue, frustration and end-of-the-day just-plain-being-doneness.