Our future has so much promise and possibility that I am annoyed. It has to many choices and to many variables. I cannot even make adeuqate lists to myself on things that probably ought to be decided. I cannot even procrastinate all of them away. They are just there. Opportunity waiting to be seized and executed.
I'm excited and also terrified.
This year is probably the first year since 2007 that I know going in there are BIG CHANGES coming. 2007, 2008, 2010 all took me by surprise but 2011 has pretty much put it all upfront. "Just so you know, your life will continue to be in the blender... all year. Love, 2011"
The Duebber family is changing their dynamic and numbers, Brenyn is moving away, out of state. What will that be like? I'm fairly used to not seeing a whole lot of her due to her crazy on-t0p-of-it schedule and my own off the wall activites but out of state is a new animal. I feel fairly alienated and I only moved to the next county.
College? Bob back to college? Living in Milford. My dad might actually retire? Ralph is retiring.
The closer I get to the time that I might actually have to leave my kids with someone else the more unwilling I get. I *love* to have a few hours without them. I *LOVE* it. But really... my ideal would be that the babysitter come to my house and just watch them here. Where I can also watch them... and just.. not be holding them at the same time.
I guess what I am really saying is that I am a crazy person.
It's not lost on me that love and resentment go hand in hand sometimes.
Solo awake- got to go.