Saturday, July 30, 2011

I was reading bible verses about love and the importance of forgiveness. I was going to tell Bobby about them but he fell asleep before I could so I'm mad at him.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Preschoolers are cute

I really want to be sleeping right now but sleep eludes me so I thought I'd write these anecdotes down before I forget.

The other day when Marley had her sleepover with Aimee we were doing prebedtime routine.
Me: ...Gigi is my mommy.
Aimee: is she in Florida?
Me: yes helping baba.
Aimee: I'm glad you're not in Florida Meme. ::hug::
.......
This one happened today when I brought Marley a flower in from the yard.
Me: That flower is a Rose of Sharon.
Marley: No! It's my flower!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Road rage WILL kill you.

We had fun decorating cupcakes with Aimee, Cece, Baby, Toby & Ro today at Gigi & Grandpa Bob's house. Gigi and Grandpa Bob were not there so we missed them.

Now here is the frightening part.
We were almost home maybe a mile to go, in a 25mph zone and I was going 25 and this guy pulls out in front of me. He definitely cut me off but since we were going pretty slow and there was some room I didn't have to hit my brakes too hard. I didn't think anything of it until the guy who cut me off flicked me off. Not a subtle one in the rear view either. A big obvious hanging it out the window one. He holds it out to me for a moment and he is swerving all over the place. Then he starts making the motion with your hand like you are shooting a gun, over and over. I hung back pretty far since freak-show was acting crazy and swerving and I didn't want to get shot with stray pretend bullets. THEN I *clearly* saw him lift a case from his backseat to his passenger seat. It looked exactly like out poker chip case exact half the size. Then he was fiddling around in the passenger seat and swerving even worse. Now I was hanging WAY back. I don't like getting shot with real bullets either.

He pulled into the Rooster's across from my street and was doing a U-y (sp?) but I turned onto my street and sped to my house. Totally freaked me out. I have his license and car description and he looked like an older guy soooo... If I turn up dead... check my phone. The details are in My Notes.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

CTAIM

From the time that I can remember being aware of the world
The place outside myself
My eyes feasted on the trees, the depths of the woods
I longed to translate my fascination to words
Have them on paper so that they might last forever
Remembered, impactful.

This ache I felt constant, demanding
To put something beautiful in sight
It was not till I grew older
Aware not only of the place outside me
But the effect of me upon it

With coincidence, chance, God's hand
The longing I've had within
I now know the answer
I know the song I was meant to sing
Lasting long passed the time when words forgotten, paper burned
You are the poetry I've longed to express.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Embarassing but true

I struggle with pride. Not in the traditional sense or in the positive I-love-me sense either. More that annoying what's-wrong-with-them-I-would-never-do-that way. It is wrong to think this way. I KNOW it is.

I look at people and I make little silent judgements. She is not working hard enough at her marriage, he is a slothful waste of space, her parenting is dispicable, he does not deserve to live, etc. Sound harsh? I agree.

I know that there is a right and a wrong. I can identify when other people do wrong but that does not mean I get to call them to the stand, or judge them. It isn't my job but yet I spend energy pouring emotional and mental energy into it.

Example I am willing to share: Kasey Anthony. (sp?) I have not in anyway followed this case outside what I inevitably saw on FB and randomly around the internet. Still I find myself angry at the jury for not convicting her since she is obviously guilty. The problems with that are 1. How do I know she is guilty when I have not even followed the case? 2. What makes me think I know the correct outcome to whatever she did or did not do?

I do know that God convicted ME to pray for the woman. So I do. I don't do it at bedtime prayers with Marley when it draws out my anger but later when I am alone, when the kids are asleep, I pray for her. What I pray is between God and myself but it has given me more peace. Putting it in His powerful hands, leaving it to the true judge gives me peace.

So that is one case where God triumphed over my nature. What about the rest? The tiny killings I commit in my mind EVERY day? How to stop those? The last few days I have had to start a mantra in my head. I am not better than her. I am not better than her.

God has convicted me of this in the past. When I purposefully ostracized a friend because she betrayed me. Several months later God hit me with great force with the message that I was NOT in a place where I could judge her and therefore punish her. Lesson learned. Behavior modified.

Still the little judge in my head speaks. "She brags constantly. Ignore her completly." "She is wasting her life and ruining her children, talk down to her, belittle her." "He is uninvolved with his kids, badmouth him." "He drinks constantly and abuses drugs right in front of his kids, talk down to him."
Each sin I see is assigned a punishment that I am capable of carrying out BUT IT ISN'T RIGHT.

My latest conviction just happened this evening. I have to be vague to protect my friend, her privacy and our relationship.(Months ago) I thought she is not working hard enough toward saving her relationship, she is making of it a mockery. I was not incorrect. Her behavior was not good but then I found out things I did not previously know. They didn't justify her behavior entirely but they made me realize that in her position I would have done much worse.

I'm not better than her. I'm in a better situation.
I'm sorry for all my silent judgements. I am not sure I can stop thinking all of them but I am going to try. I am going to try to make myself better by not thinking I am better than others. We're all human. We're all broken. Nothing without His grace, His mercy and occasionally His correction.
My job is not that of judge. I am called to be a fisher of men.

God, THANK YOU for showing me my errors. I am sorry I have to be reminded so frequently. I am glad that I do not have to live so long in this life with my inevitable sinning nature. I long to be close to You. Thank you for my children. The greatest gifts you could give me in this life. Be a light unto their path so that I do not cause them to stumble. Thank you for Your son who delivers me into Your hand.


"Meg, I give you your faults."
"My faults!" Meg cried.
"Your faults."
"But I'm always trying to get rid of my faults!"
"Yes," Mrs. Whatsit said. "However, I think you'll find they'll come in very handy on Camazotz."
-A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle

Character building through trials.

Marley's 3 year check up

Went very well though when I found out a few months ago that she was up for an innoculation I was pretty nervous. I didn't want to prep to far ahead of time. So this morning we watched an episode of Sid the Science Kid about getting shots (SO GLAD WE DID) and I informed her she would be getting a shot at the doctor but that I would give her an oreo afterward.

She kept saying, "I'm getting a shot. It will hurt a little." (Just like they said on Sid).

So getting the shot actually ended up being easier than when the doc tried to look in Marley's mouth at her teeth (Marley proceeded to lock her jaw in a closed position). Nothing new there.

She got the shot and silent tears rolled down her cheeks and she asked for her cookie. My poor broken heart, I gave her four (she only ate three). She must be related to my mother because only my mom has that kind of discipline. I don't. I usually try to keep myself to one row of oreos.

So 32# and 38". Marley is delightfully average sized.
....

So we put that bid on that other house and it lost.
Hopefully by the end of the day (or by the end of the weekend) there will a bid on my favorite property. I won't mention any addresses since I don't want to give any creepo stalkers getting the jump on me. God will have to move to make this offer work so I am praying that this will align with His Plan (or what I think of as His Greater Good). That is another blog entry. One that I don't have time to write while supervising bathtime/dodging Marley's splashes.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

My little buttercup.






From being the non-sleeping nightmare to being the dream bedtime child.

The girl who has been eating oreos since she was 6 months old. (sorry)

The sign that turned me around.

A girl who wows people with her politeness and perception.

Flesh of my flesh.

The one that looks nothing at all like me.

The one who suddenly makes it all seem worthwhile.

The dancer, the doctor, the musician in the Imagination Band, the princess, the blue fairy.

Little girl that I shared my wedding with.

My entertainment every day.
My excuse.
My cause.
My work.
My heart.
Clumsy, soft spoken and wonderful.

3 years I have been checking on you randomly to make sure you are asleep, breathing and safe. Preparing you an unbelievable amount of food. Laughing at your jokes. Being amazed by your abilities. Stunned by your depth. You hold me when I cry and you reach your arms out to me when you cry. You're my best friend.
Hapy Birthday Marley Marianne. I love you and I wouldn't change a thing.

"TWO minutes."
"ONE more time."
"Why you yes ma'am for?"
"Mommy... I looooove you."
"We are super princesses!"
So many things I pray I never forget.



Thank you for three years of spontanous displays of affection.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

baba

We (Bob, my parents and I) have been looking at westside properties. We have a pending offer on a place but the bank that owns it is stringing us along, dragging it's feet, trying to net more offers (we are already in multiple offers). Lame sauce. *edit* Just found we lost our bid. Good to finally know. Moving on...

There is another property that I love, right up the street. I want it. I won't close it's MLS tab in my browser because it makes me sad.

I've always been very emotionally balanced as you long term readers certainly know. *cough*

But actually sad is that this morning Brenyn left to move to Florida. I keep having emotional outbursts. Good excuse to skip makeup. <3 Baba

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lovely family

Solomon got his first tooth on Tuesday. Bottom (his) left. About time. Only took it an agonizing month to break through. Now 23 to go.

Marley's birthday party was yesterday and it was awesome. Most of the people we love were there and we had cake and a slip and slide. Marley loved that she got to wear a princess dress and a bathing suit on the same day.

Marley & the cake Robyn made at my request. AMAZING!



Brenyn leaves for Florida in one day :(


"Swimming" in the turtle.
















Sunday, July 3, 2011

Moody

I know that I have been on the receiving end of some unfortunate circumstances realty and financially -wise but really... I am so blessed by God's bounty through family generosity and blessings which are frequently called "luck" that I have been mainly spared the horrors that *could have* gone with our recent life events.

When I look at the housing market now I see something pretty cold and gruesome. If you look at a realty site most of the homes I see are empty and abandoned because of foreclosure. And if you look up the address on google maps to go with it you can see how things got the way they are. Houses now for sale in summer after being foreclosed on in spring can be seen on street view maps (taken in fall) with "Room for rent" and "For sale by owner" signs. People tried to get money and failed and they lost their home. Where did they go? Were they as "lucky" as me? I doubt it. How do they explain their displacement to their kids?

Depressed tonight.
Too many bad things going on to people I love or just in my general vicinity.
I know I can't heal the world through worry so I try not to. But the part that really chokes me up is that I know the world cannot be healed and that our only peace will come later in Heaven. But my kids have to live in this world so the only thing I can do for them is give them hope. Teach them that there IS something greater, show them there is a peace that passes understanding down in the depths of my heart. Where? Down in the depths of my heart.
...

Our economy may be a mess but I am thankful that I was born in this country. I am thankful to the men and women and their families who sacrifice their time and lives to keep me worrying about where I might end up living and now about how I am going to keep on living. Thankful for the parts of the system that do work that reward bravery. Thank you to my soldier friends and thanks to all the military wives I know who work so hard to keep the support going for our soldiers abroad.