Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Saddness and hereafter.





Every time I catch myself smiling or happy I feel a little guilty. I know Aimee is hurting. When I look at Marley and she goes to school orientation the feeling is bittersweet. I know that life goes on even when the people we love have died but it is still difficult...





Solomon turns one tomorrow. How can that be? I feel like I just found out I was pregnant yesterday. He is such a blessing to this family. Even if babies are difficult to live with in general. His smile makes strangers giggle and he drives the preschool girls crazy. I love him. His drive to walk was strong today and he made several solid 2-3 step "runs". He also discovered that sitting in a chair is completely life changing (for an 11 month old).






Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Chuckles in spite of it all. *edit to add pix and anecdote)



I should say first that I am not telling these tales to say that you should love my family members less, I consider these anecdotes to be reason why you should love them more.

Robyn and her 3 girls (Toby was at grown up school for adult kids who are too old for us) and me and my 2 were at the Cincinnati Museum Center.

We were around the area after you exit the glacier where all the fiberglass and concrete animals are. We were right next to the part where the unfortunate wooly mammoth is sinking into some brand of quagmire. Over the quagmire bit there is a thin layer of water that is very still. Some of us KNEW that this water wasn't water at all but a layer of plastic. Others of us KNEW that the water was water.
Me: Marley don't get in the water.
Robyn: It's plastic.
Me: Nope it's water.
Robyn: No it isn't.
And she takes a step over and STOMPS into the plastic. The plastic that is actually water and now all over her foot.
Her face was priceless. She left wet footprints.

Now onto the story about her parents...

Much (all) of the days free hours are being spent at the site of our new home. Which is undergoing alarmingly quick transformations (more on that later). One day I saw I had a voicemail from my mom. It was the standard "This is your mother." *click*

I did notice that she had called ten minutes ago and that there was a great deal of church bells in the background. So I call her back and the church bells are still going. She explains she is at the new house and the church 3 doors down seems to have a glitch with their bells because the sound had been going on for a long time. Hopefully they will fix it soon.

I hang up and I head over there. It takes me about 45 minutes. When I am walking into the house with Marley I notice the bells again from the driveway. They sound different. Quieter. Then as we walk in the door there is silence. Mom greets Marley and I and says, "Do I hear silence?" Then the bells begin again. It takes me all of a half second to diagnose the problem.

It was the doorbell.

Mom is incredulous. Probably wondering how she had gotten so tired as to miss that it was the doorbell. She tells Dad who seems maybe less surprised (and less sheepish) fixes it in about 8 seconds.

I'm sure my parents actually know why they are too tired to have caught it. They have been working on our house. God bless their little hearts. :P
....

Our house has air conditioning, heat, plumbing, a safe(r) deck, some doors, very little carpet left (had to leave it in Solo's room and the master because all there was beneathe was subfloor), we have a gas hookup for our stove, we have a plan for the appliances that came with the house, we have a lock on the garage (that also now has electric), lights work, electric has been run for the entryway... Did I mention that there are bathrooms? Yay! It is very beautiful.
...

Marley's meet the teacher is tomorrow. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Marley: I'm going to school! I'm going to have a teacher. I am going to make a picture for you! A pink bird and my teacher is going to cut it out with scissors. And I am going to be the good ballerina!

...

Solomon turns 1 in 2 days. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...


*Edit* I would just like to say that I am not immune to going on the occasional space cadet mission (I know, you're shocked). So I will tell what I did last week. I was changing clothes when I realized I had fed the dog but not let him out. Fearing poop I went to immediatly let him out. The tie out was wrapped around a tree about ten feet away from the door so I walked out to get it while holding Murphy's collar (he likes to run off). I had already retrieved the tie out and was hooking him up when I realized I was not wearing a shirt. To make things even better I went to later post about my ditsyness on my Firecracker playgroup facebook group (a pregnancy, birth club, playgroup I have been in since November 2008) and instead posted about it publically on my facebook wall. I had already recieved a few daring comments when I realized my error and erased it. Double fail, super awesome.

Monday, August 29, 2011

So soon.

Brayton Lester
June 30, 2008 - August 28, 2011

His life was a positive ripple. Affecting hundreds of us, making us want to be better, strong like him. Aimee, Destiny and Nikiya I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is full of grief.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Brayton

My friend Aimee's son Brayton has been in and out of the hospital his entire life. Fighting tooth and nail for his life. He is Marley's age and has TEL. Please pray for him, for his healing and for Aimee and Brayton's sisters.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My girl. Our House.

Marley (cuddling Bob and I): We are the family. Marley, My daddy and mommy.
Me: And Solomon.
Marley: Right. And Solomon and Murphy and my ZhuZhu pet.
...
Marley: Where is Moo the ZhuZhu pet?
Me: Is it in your room?
Marley: No... Yes.
Me: Ok... it's in your room.
Marley: Oh. Thanks.
...

Per Mom this was yesterday's house progress:
"todays list window repaired, utility tub in place with hot and cold water. furnace in.new ductwork in, front lawn mowed, garbage disposal repaired, walls sanded, some cracks filled, half the shelves down in solomons room,working toilets,nail pops and loose boards fixed on deck. in case you want to publish"

Hope people are ready to help me move. I'm coming with guilt trips.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Weekend One- Check

We closed on Friday.
There were guys on the roof sealing the chimney before we even got there afterward.

The locks have been changed. There is a new back door. The first floor carpet has been removed. The garage has a lock. The railing on the deck has been secured. The BIG hole in the living room wall has been patched (so has all the tiny holes). Unrepairable plaster has been removed and is ready for new drywall. Sinks have been purchased. The air conditioner now has enough plumbing to run (and it works!) The plumbers are there now making it possible to use sinks, toilets and showers.

There was more accomplished but I have to go look at light fixtures :)
Yay

DO WORK!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Cartoon Dogs. Preschooler brain.

"Oh. I can't sleep. I need my heady-head (hammerhead) shark."
"Be calm. Be quiet."
"I get a cookie if I smile in the dining room."
"I am a mermaid and I live under the sea in a castle with a big kitchen."

All things Marley has said today (at me or at toys).

While we were playing "babies" (with little plastic animals who are almost all named Sugar or Chocolate but also include Pinky, Ham, Minty, Bird, Banana..) I said to her, "You are very pretty." To which she replied, "Yes I am."
I love that 'pretty' is just an adjective to her. Nothing complimentary about it. Just fact.
...

Solomon took his official first steps yesterday! He is SO proud of himself too. He can do it somewhat reliably now and he always signals me he is about to try. He looks into my face and gets pretty serious and then will free one hand then pause and then let go with the other. Then after taking one step he topples into me laughing and head butting me. What a boy.

He is such a good sleeper. He slept from 830p to 730a yesterday and I slept from 12a to 650a without interruption. It made me giddy. I couldn't even go back to sleep for the joy of it.
...

Strawberry Shortcake, WordWorld, Little Bear, Bearenstain Bears... just a few of the cartoons where animals can talk unless they are a dog. Why is that? Do we prefer to keep our dependent friends silenced? Are we afraid of what they would say? Hmm?

Of course in some shows dogs CAN talk. Scooby Doo comes to mind and I HATE that show. Jetsons was great but he couldn't REALLY talk.

When Bob and I pretend to be Murphy talking (that happens more than you would think actually) we usually use a french accent. Stupid humans.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Bob says I shouldn't try to sleep until I am tired but I think that that would only work out if I could also stay asleep till I wasn't sleepy anymore.

I am in that beginning of transition time where I am trying to imagine and plan what my life will be like in a new place. Changing locations is unquestionably life altering. I'm going to pray that God is in control and that I don't bungle anything.

I'm praying for Toby and his family tonight too. Tomorrow starts a life alteration for them too. Real school. Propelling us all into 'the next stage'.

I read an article the other day about pregnancy during your 20s, 30's and 40's. It was all pretty interesting, summarizing on the basic and not so basic benefits and drawbacks for child bearing during different times. The most interesting thing I read was that one drawback to child bearing in your 20s is that moms tend to get a premature feeling of being old. I definitely relate to that though I try not to mention it in mixed company as it makes some people angry and I know it sounds ridiculous coming from a 23, 24, 25, 26 ish year old. In case your curious the article was in fit pregnancy magazine. They might have it online if you want to read more about it. I have praying to do.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

But I do know what love is.

Bob and I were just discussing the difference between my ability to communicate via blog versus my ability to communicate with words in person.

"I have been feeling this immense inexpressable sadness that has been weighing down my entire pysche this week."

vs.

"I don't feel good. Not in my belly. More in my head area place. No happy. Booo."

So if you don't know me in person and don't get to have the full Meghyn-trying-to-make-the-words experience. Be glad.

I'm not that kinda Thomas...

I just deleted the first paragraph I was going to write. It was too sad and I am too unstable for that much emotional goading. I will sum up.

I can understand why people have doubts about God, His love and His plan when something really terrible happens. I am not one of those people but I understand it.

I can understand that type of doubt. What I DON'T understand is the flashes of doubt and rage I have at God. They are SO unreasonable. I am such a BRAT. How can I be so unmoved by His awesomeness that I just despair so quickly?

Example.
Marley wakes up every 20-40 minutes every night from 11p to 4am. I am exhausted. I am trying to do everything right and be a loving and supportive mother at 2am. WHY WOULD GOD DO THIS TO ME? I'm in a crazed state of oh-woe-is-me because I am sleep deprived... just like every other mother in the entire world. But unlike the mother in the third world country who is sleep deprived and also starving. Ugh (that ugh is directed at myself).

Example.
I pray to God that He will give me a pet Bengal tiger. One that does not poop or need to be fed meat. I pray ALL night. Or at least from around 930 to 10pm. Next day? Nothing. What kinda loving God would deny me such a basic need? (True story. I can still feel the disappointment 20 years later).


I am a crummy friend. Sinful, ungrateful and untrue to a God who loves me to a degree I cannot fathom and for reasons I am too sinful, ungrateful and untrue to know. I am a pain in His holy and proverbial butt. I am as bad as all this but He loves me. He loves me. Even though I fall beneathe His will. He loves me. Jesus I'm so grateful for your Love.

Please click the link and listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbdFGx0lQ8g

Friday, August 12, 2011

And do the work.

1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Home is where the rug is.

So Pameleen. It's my handle, it's my blog name, it is where my old house is. Now my house belongs to a women who moved from Williamsburg to be closer to Norwood. Lives are complicated. Since we left Pameleen to live in my grandpa's house in Milford we have not unpacked any family photos or art. Those who have been in my home know that it took a significant amount of box real estate to move all those frames.

Since we moved into Milford in January we have been blessed and blessed and blessed again. Over and over. So many that they overwhelm and stupify. I promise you that when I was reading through the tales of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that I started feeling like maybe I was favored by God because certainly He was kind beyond understanding to me. Weird, I know. I don't (exactly) think that anymore but...

Bob had almost 6 months where we were able to live off a tax return and he got to spend that time with me and the kids. Like a vacation without any good weather. I think Solomon has been able to bond to him better because of it. He then had a job that had some appeal because it was a work from home but the compensation was dismal. Short story abbreviated even more, that job is also gone. Good riddance.

On Friday Bob chanced to get an interview for posting in the field he is going to school for. God's hand again. They made him an offer today and he begins on Thursday at 930. Praise God.
...
For the last month and more my mother and I have been scouring the internet for houses in a certain price range. A price range that would allow us to be able to make the payments on a home of our own. I will tell you that with raised property taxes, health insurance rates going up and the loss of steady income from me when I got pregnant with Marley that our mortgage was over 50% of our budget for three years. It was not easy to make it work as long as we did. We had been treading water so long that when Bob lost his job we just froze up. It was time to stop.

Sorry I am all over the place. That is what happens when you wait too long to post about something so-ongoing. Too many hours, days and weeks of thought to sum up anything neatly (or cleverly).

SO... back to Mom and I on the internet. We visited many houses. Memorable among them (because we made offers on them) were 3001 Junietta, 3620 Darwin and my favorite 3846 Davis. Davis I had big plans for you. I hope your new owner removes that olive shag carpet and white washes your wide plank primitive hardwood floors. Many trips to the westside of Cincinnati, many urgent emails back and forth with my realtor (who is the best realtor in Cincinnati) Reg Goolsby. So disappointments have come and gone, hearts have been broken. Finding a wonderful house and being outbid or worse finding out there is already a contract on your dream castle.

Everyday new emails showing houses just listed in the desired neighborhoods, with the right number of toilets and bedrooms and for the right amount-ish. Finally out of the blue my realtor sends me one that did not technically qualify in our search parameters but since it was in his area of specialty (Westwood) he was wise to it. It had been on the market, went pending and then came back on the MLS.

I was still hurting from the last bidding war on Junietta so my interest was at first mild**. My mother and father went and looked at it at 10am on Wednesday and put in a bid at 5pm on Wednesday and I NEVER EVEN SAW IT (because I was in Hocking Hills with 13 other moms and 26 other kids) (Bobby saw it and LOVED it). So I come back to town to see the place and LUCKILY I like it too because on Friday night we get an offer acceptance.

The inspections happened today. No real surprises. There is much work to be done in all the areas we knew there was work to be done. I'm glad we will soon have walls to put my beloved photos on (walls that belong to us). This will be the first time Marley's bedroom won't have west facing windows***. Bob is planning his organic produce business. Solomon has yet to decide which paint chip tastes the best. The rug is still rolled up in the basement here in Milford but it anticipates a life of trod-uponness soon.



**: My realty MO is like some peoples' dating MO. When I fail to get the house I want I strike out at that house by looking for a house that is completely opposite. That is how we ended up in Pameleen actually. She was a rebound.

***: Our room and Solomon's room (which is currently used at a VERY large closet) will be west facing. It's our turn to see the sunset.

I've got a lot on my mind too Squints.

Marley starts preschool next month. I can't think long and hard on this without feeling queasy, ecstatic and OLD. I definitely can't write an indepth blog about it. My girl will always be my girl right? The lady working in the nursery at church told me her teenagers don't hug her very often. Sickened by the thought. Makes me want to go smother my mother with affection (look out Mom).

Marley's favorite thing this summer is basketball and soccer. She loves to play catch with the mini-basketball and kick it back and forth in the living room (we don't go outside in 99+ degrees when Mommy may be at risk of having to baby-wear). She is fantastic at catching the ball. Really good at throwing it too. We will have to work on her ball to net skills.
...

Solomon's teeth are literally straining his whole mouth. It looks painful. I should be surprised he does not cry all day long. His beautiful smile is still amazing though. It is so wide. People LOVE to talk to him because he always smiles at them. Amazing. His whole face is perfect. Can't leave the house without hearing about all the poor doomed women in the future. Weird it just occured to me that if Solo was Bob that I wouldn't be born for another 5.5 years. Strange.

Solomon can push this toy shopping cart we have all around the house. The depth to which he understands forward motion and what needs to be done to get the big awkward thing to move and how to get it unstuck amazes me. Marley was not one to master the physical skills (disregard above mention of basketball, I'm talking about baby Marley not grown up big girl preschooler Marley...), she was working on her understanding of society and her place in it and how to talk. Solomon seems to function under the assumption that the world is pretty much the world and it will adapt to him and that SOMEONE will more or less fulfill his needs eventually.
...

After 200+ posts on blogger instead of livejournal I still try to fill out the "Current Music" section (there isn't one).

I am now making a seperate post to address a topic which has consumed most of my days for a month+ but has recieved no blog-love.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Cute girls

Me: Aimee what is your favorite animal?
Aimee: A chicken?
Me: What do you like about chickens?
Aimee: Umm can you tell me?
...
Me: Marley what is your favorite animal?
Marley: Cows!
Me: What do you like about cows?
Marley: They have udders. That is where milk comes from!
Me: C what is your favorite animal?
C: Cows!
Me: What do you like about cows?
C: Chickens!

This conversation pretty much embodies everything I love about 2 and 3 year olds.