Sometimes it makes me feel sick that I cannot do the things that people need to do for themselves. I cannot transfer any of my energy, my faith, or my drive to them when theirs is gone. Worse that there are things that I did that cannot be undone that may have made things worse.
Laziness, boredom, apathy. These things (amongst others) were sewn in the garden of Eden that fateful day. That cursed day.
"This time of year is the hardest for me."
Loving people is so much work. It requires so much. All day long, all night long. I fail at it daily, nightly. I get too lazy, too bored, too apathetic. Too busy.
No appropriate words for the melancholy right now.
I praise God for the joy I have. That this is not it; I'm not home yet.