Saturday, May 24, 2014

New Jerusalem (update one of two)

Experiencing so much joy this week. Not because I'm getting to do what I want but because I can feel this connectedness with God and with his purpose for my life (the right now part).

Joy is coming from the moments when I triumph over my initial reactions. Wanting to join in the hurtful jokes, getting the last word, landing the punchline... I have not been perfect but I've been more aware than I have been in years, so when I fail, I know; I care too.

It's allowed me to love my husband, my children, family, and others better than I have ever before. To get past the feelings of regret, embarrassment, rejection, bitterness, unfairness, disgust, and even loathing faster than ever before. Though nothing on the surface appears to have changed, I am!

My path is put before me. The obstacles are unknown but the outcome is certain.

Thank you Heavenly Father!
For this embarrassingly religious turn in my life. For the pedestrian and foolish path you have set me on. For helping me weather the storm of derision and mockery from those I wish would love me best. For this feeling in my heart that I am safe. For my parents and sisters!
For the 10,000 mistakes that led me where I am today.
For the humility that comes from asking for help, creating a softer heart in me.
I did nothing to deserve You.
You are mighty and creative and all the things I value.
Your ways are not our ways.

Good sustain this joy, allow me to serve humbly.
I love you!

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