Monday, September 29, 2014


The surface beneath my cheek is smooth and cool, it is as glass the color of sky and clouds and like everything else, there is an intensity about it. One is given the sense that the very ground itself longs to pull closer to the one who sits on the throne above it, yet does not out of respect due it's Maker.

The reflection of the glory of the ONE who sits the throne is on the ground. This reflection is enough and not enough. It is the beauty of a wild landscape; glorious, poignant, personal, but not without some feeling of loss.

Maker, Maker I long for You.
When I try to raise my gaze I dare not go beyond the shadow Your feet cast upon the ground. The spirit within me sings. I do not know the words but they are about daytime and renewal, deliverance and relief.

The weight I was so accustomed to lifting, the fear and pride that clung to my corpse, my whole life lifted away. They could not bear Your presence.
There was no time that knew not You and no time that You knew not. I had spent my brief time shrouded in darkness and  now this face to face meeting, my reconciliation. The day that would never quicken into night.

Your reflection on the ground is golden and white. It shines like a sun though it does not exist so briefly as that celestial being. You said let it be and it was.

All of these things and more came to me and every shame and perversion, every betrayal and impurity went away. I am free of them, they are nothing.
The ONE who sought my hand and made it clean, the one who satisfied Your justice and joined us together, is with us now too.

Together, in a room that isn't a room and that can not be contained by walls or roofs. We look. There is so much good here. Joining in with the voice of the Spirit, I sing for joy.

Worthy! Holy! The creator has joined together again with His creation.

Saturday, September 27, 2014


At 6.25 months Sage can sit up supporting herself with one arm easily, crawl slowly, say mama, abd respond to her own name.

Too. Fast.

I broke out in spontaneous dance when R.E.S.P.E.C.T came on while I was cleaning. Marley's response?
"Let's pray she doesn't slip."

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 1 Corinthians

I saved this post to publish later and before I came back to it a day later Sage learned to sit up any without support.

"There is nothing wrong with what we have or don’t have. The question is, what are we doing or not doing with what God has blessed us with?" -?

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Ouch little baby

Sage just fell off my bed. Luckily it's a low bed but still it's so sad. She went into the baby reflex to pain and fear by going to sleep. So of course I'm now hovering in her face. Concussion? Brain damage? Irreversible psychological condition that will make her incapable of ever relaxing in a bed? Will she become a drummer now?

Being a parent is hard. But I'm thankful that these are my set of trials.

Psalm 139:13-14 NIRV

You created the deepest parts of my being. You put me together inside my mother's body.  How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well.

*edit: Sage Marie has had a hard day today. She fell off a bed, got clawed, got prodded by a doctor, had two naps disrupted, has a viral rash, has ringworm and the dog won't let her hold him.*

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


This conversation pretty much sums each of us up.

Me: Baby! You smell terrrrible!  Like poop!
Baby: *more pooping noises*
Marley: *breaks into unintelligible placating murmurs to the baby*
Solo: *laughing because poop*

(Bob working because we want to live indoors and eat food.)

Monday, September 22, 2014


Marley has daily homework. She had to draw five things that started with vowels. Guess what she drew for 'i'.

A: invisible man (that's his hat and beard)

The cure for pain is in the pain.

Being a writer (sometimes) means...

Being in an obsessive love/hate relationship with fictional characters, all of whom are yourself and yet NOT yourself.

Being broke.

Balancing self-love and self-loathing enough to actually DO something.

Becoming a minor expert on Croatia, coffee bean grind variations, Roman-catholic mass, and The Reid Technique to convincingly write a single sentence.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Job 35

"He gives songs in the night; when our condition is dark and melancholy, there is that in God's providence and promise, which is sufficient to support us, and to enable us even to rejoice in tribulation. " - from Matt Henry's commentary of Job 35

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Soul searching says...

I find the local news stations and sites more repugnant and disturbing than spiders.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Sage conversations

Me: Sage. What are you doing?
Sage: Me? Nothing. Just using my face to propel myself across the hardwood floor.
Me: Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself!
Sage: You think so? Nooo. I'm sure I'll be fine.

One second passes.

Sage: Owwww my face!

Me: Sage you can't use my hair to pull yourself up. It hurts.
Sage: Oh. Well can I just chew it a little?
Me: No! You can't eat hair!
Sage: ...What about dog fur?

Solomon: Sage is eating the bible.

Marley: Sage! No! You can't eat Elsa!

Me: Sage do you want some yoghurt?
Sage: Oh thanks!
Me: No. You're supposed to eat it.
Sage: What?
Me: You're supposed to eat the yoghurt.
Sage: Are you serious?
Me: Yes.
Sage: Shouldn't I just smear it all over my face like this? And a little here on the dog's head? He seems to like it.
Me: I'm completely sure you're supposed to eat it.
Sage: In that case, you go ahead and keep it. And take this Elsa doll too, she's all gross and covered in my spit.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

MY FAVORITE WORDS Inspired by Lindsey


These are my top ten favorite words (not in order of preference) (or any other order):

  1. Pickles
  2. Trigonometry
  3. Calculus
  4. Recalcitrant
  5. Carl
  6. Gubernatorial
  7. Disenfranchised
  8. Karate
  9. Gladiola
Oh, only one more until I reach my arbitrarily assigned word limit. This is so difficult! I feel I may languish from the effort of choosing. Such a didactic practice in self-discipline.
     10. Propitiation 

Blessings be

I'm feeling thankful for all the healthy, sleeping kids who are strewn all over my house right now.

For Sage who is recovering from her very first run in with germs (a cold).

For the chill in the air.

For a chance to watch football-opera with my husband tomorrow.

For having sisters.

For my daughters having sisters.

For a son who is a cooler version of me.

For programs that make it possible for our children to be involved in special activities like ballet, art appreciation, and cello.

For parents whose marriage is a revelation and model to look to.

That this life isn't it.

Friday, September 12, 2014

So happy to see you.

Back explanation: Solo goes to half day preschool. It's Montessori so half the kids are kindergartners who go the full day. So while a few leave at lunchtime, the rest of the kids are there till 3:30.

We went to pick up Marley at school and we walked into the building and waited for her class to get to the gym. Before her class got there, Solo's class went by. The first kid in line goes "There's Solomon!" Then every single kid in the line gets excited and greets Solomon. It made me so happy to see people happy to see my kid. I started crying. I'm such a baby!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Love speaks, love acts.

Two things I don't want to be guilty of:

1. Waiting until someone is dead to show them I love them.
2. Waiting until my kid wins to cheer.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Bigger than the viola.

Yesterday, I picked Marley up from school and she set my parent heart aflutter.
"Can I take cello lessons?"

My first little dream for my baby 6 years ago, possibly coming to fruition. A cellist. Perhaps the next Zoe Keating, of whom I am such a fan.

#blessings #beauty

No man is an island.

I'm thankful that as I get older and grow closer with God that I become more at peace with man's terminal solitude. We cannot be fully loved or understood by anyone other than the one who created us. But that isn't something that we should try to console ourselves with. It's cause for celebration.

Mankind will let you down every time. It is pure joy that it isn't on humans that we are called to rely. It's on the one who made the moon and named the stars. The lover of our soul.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Human emotions

Backstory: Solo caught a hard elbow to the nose during a game of peekaboo.
He reacted by running and hiding and crying and rejecting anyone who tried to soothe him. He seemed very angry.

Me: Why did you get so mad?
Solo: I was crying.
Me: But you seemed really mad too.
Solo: I wasn't mad. I was hurt and I was crying and that is just how I stop myself from crying.

He tried to keep himself from crying by acting angry and pushing people away. Is he human or what?

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Enjoy your soup

We've been trying to get creative with dealing with night terrors.
Nothing works every time. But some things work some of the time.

Never works:

Bright lights


Worked: (you always have to catch it right at the beginning).

Pick up boy and deliver him to the "secret" stash of chocolate in the laundry room and let him have one.

Fun game apps.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

A check up... for your soul.

Marley had her 6 year well check and Sage her 4 month. Ok, so it's a month... or two late for both of those things. That is NOT the point. The point is this: Marley is awesome.

Before the appointment I couldn't remember if Marley had a vaccination due or not (I use to be a super mom and know that incredibly basic information) so I warned her she might but that Sage definitely had at least one coming to her. Marley and Solo both showed signs of distress because Sage would cry because of the shots.

Fast forward to the appointment and Marley is the model patient and answers all of Doc Finney's questions and then answers all the doc's questions about Sage (you know, Marley's baby) too. Marley finds out she doesn't need a shot and goes "Oh but I was really looking forward to it." Not sarcastically either. She really had been looking forward to it. Why? So she could show Sage it was ok.

It was so sweet!
Then it was time for Sage to get her shots and Marley and Solomon both start BUZZING with nervousness. I had to make them both sit down because they were flapping around the room like bothered chickens. Sage only cried for the second shot and then only for a moment.

I love my darlings. <3 I'm so blessed.