Heaven and not yet.

"...don’t count on any remarkable sensations, either at this or your first (or fifty first) Communion. God gives these or not as He pleases. Their presence does not prove that things are especially well, nor their absence that things are wrong. The intention, the obedience, is what matters." -C.S. Lewis

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I just read a very helpful devotional about when we feel alone or left out. In short, it suggested that when we feel alone to imagine our name written on the door in the place God has prepared for us. That's where I belong.

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Lying here, looking out my bedroom window at the night sky. It's mostly cloudy. The sky that can be seen is dark blue almost black. The clouds are a warm gray color with  pale linings. Occasionally lightning flashes but no thunder to mar the peace. It's beautiful. And I wonder how fair, how spectacular must the place be that would keep me from missing this?  But that place is. And there, there will be no night.