Monday, April 20, 2015

Dunno

It doesn't matter how many resources I have because God's power is infinite.
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Personal freedom is important but not to the exclusion of other things; like the freedom of others or what I believe in. Things that are worth dying for, are also worth living for.
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The thing I'm supposed to be doing isn't always easier than what I'm already doing.
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The love and support of the person who trains you is easy to taste for granted.
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Making jokes about my personal flaws makes it harder to change them.
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Sometimes I have to engage in conversation when I don't want to because I love the person who is talking.
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I have to love people who lie to me and insult my intelligence. I love them because God loved me and because I have my own flaws.
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Sometimes I spend money to make myself feel better, but because the amounts are so tiny I have been able to justify it. Because "retail therapy" is a joke, I have not tried to change.
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I find it difficult to not make lewd jokes. Because it used to be how I got attention. If you were not the prettiest you were supposed to be funny and if it had shock value, even better.
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I am vain. Very vain.
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I get super angry when hungry, tired, hormonal, getting yelled at. I use it as an excuse to yell at people.
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I judge people who don't parent like I do. I try not to most of the time. Sometimes I fail.
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These are some things that have come up for me lately. I'm in a weird place in my personal development. I certainly feel like I am on the cusp. That sounds like a positive description but it isn't meant to be. Something needs to change. Stagnation is death. I'm not bored, I'm not obviously backsliding, I'm not progressing. The gentle spirit eludes me.
I'm deeply blessed and my life is amazing. I will start with gratitude tomorrow.

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