Friday, March 25, 2016

To miss understanding.

Humans long for ease and luxury, even at the price of slavery. "This is what I am willing to sacrifice to get the things I want; to be the places I long to go to."

Wherever I go or whatever it is that happens: I suffer from a grievous and pervasive lack of contextual understanding.

I cannot understand what is best because I am always focused on what seems better. I am thankful that God has sent me a helper.
That when I fail me, there is a calmness within that expresses with clarity what I am suffering, to the one who knows best. The one who knows me, because I am His creation.

The people weren't happy about the hard times they were having. The Lord heard what they were saying. It made him burn with anger. Then the Lord sent fire on them. It blazed out among the people. It burned up some of the outer edges of the camp.  The people cried out to Moses. Then he prayed to the Lord. And the fire died down.  Some people who were with them began to long for other food. Again the people of Israel began to cry out. They said, "We wish we had meat to eat. We remember the fish we ate in Egypt. It didn't cost us anything. We also remember the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we've lost all interest in eating. We never see anything but this manna!"  When the dew came down on the camp at night, the manna also came down.  Moses heard people from every family crying. They were sobbing at the entrances to their tents. The Lord burned with hot anger. So Moses became troubled. He asked the Lord, "Why have you brought this trouble on me? Why aren't you pleased with me? Why have you loaded me down with the troubles of all of these people?  "Am I like a mother to them? Are they my children? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms? Do I have to carry them the way a nurse carries a baby? Do I have to carry them to the land you promised? You took an oath and promised the land to their people of long ago.  "Where can I get meat for all of these people? They keep crying out to me. They say, 'Give us meat to eat!' "Is this how you are going to treat me? If you are pleased with me, just put me to death right now. Don't let me live if I have to see myself destroyed anyway."
Numbers 11:1-2, 4-6, 9-13, 15 NIRV

Thursday, March 24, 2016

What it is.

Sometimes love doesn't look the way we think it should or the way we want it to.


Not having the last word.
Leveling up your son's character instead of your own.
Not giving an opinion or advice.
Not pushing for what's "fair".
Maintaining eye contact on a face *just in case* they happen to look up and want to see that you're paying attention.
Being late.
Being early.

... is love.

It's all so confusing and difficult to do in the moment.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Oh my... Sage. Two.

This girl puts me to work and keeps me there.

Her smile though. Incredible.

She had a great twinkle twinkle little star party and she and her siblings and cousins all serenaded us with singing and dancing and violining.

Pickles, tomatoes, cake... Presents... An audience. Pretties (princesses). Her favorite things.

She really loves her grandparents. They're like celebrities. She's such a special and friendly thing. And wild.