Friday, July 14, 2017

Sissy

A girl who was my friend in elementary and middle school died a few weeks ago. Prior to her death she was very addicted to drugs and living a lifestyle that rendered her unfit to keep her own children. Her body was eventually weakened and poisoned to the point of death. When I knew her she was goofy, loved to make people laugh, and loved to receive attention. I lost touch with her after high school except very occasional facebook talks. I am just now able to put it into words instead of randomly breaking down in tears.

She was the first person I ever smoked a cigarette with or tried drugs with. Our friendship was less close after I went away for a time to boarding school. It could have been that I stayed close to her, became as dependent on drugs for satisfaction. She wasn't really so different from me. God used my circumstances and my parents to keep me from that life and that death. I keep thinking about her, wishing I had kept in touch and also glad I didn't. Thankful that the rabbit hole didn't keep me buried.

I'm sad for her and her kids and her parents. I'm thankful for mine. I didn't deserve the mercy I was shown, I don't deserve it. Now I pray that all this ruminating and sadness I feel for her will be of use. That God will help me find a way to turn this inside feeling to help myself, my kids, and others to escape that life and death that took her.

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